Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 66

Azar's passage about acceptance rings in my head.

What is acceptance? A fresh start or the last fall?

Maybe both. Maybe none.

I stand up and pace a little. Maybe it's the room. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. I take the pillow and blanket outside to the lounge. I make myself comfortable on the couch.

"You are afraid. You are terrified and I love seeing you that way, angel."

"My knife awaits you..."

"Stop," I sob.

His laugh booms in the dark room. "Why would you ever believe in anything, angel? Why would you believe it? Where are your parents, tell me? Where are mommy and daddy now?"

"Don't hurt me. Please."

The blades cut my skin, and I bleed, and he presses the knife further and further into my arm. A scream is stuck in my throat. He grabs my shirt...

I jolt up in cold sweat. "Abeer, are you okay?" Azar, who happens to be sitting on the opposite couch, rushes toward me.

I nod slightly, but the nightmare is still vivid. Azar sits on my couch and places a hand over my shaking shoulder. My heart skips a beat at the warmth. I can't seem to look into his eyes, but I know he is observing me.

"Should I get you a glass of water?" He asks anxiously.

"No, thanks," I refuse distractedly. "I couldn't sleep, so I came here. I'm sorry if you were working here."

"No, it's okay. I don't mind," he persists. "I came out and found you sleeping here. I... it just had felt better to see you in front of my eyes, so I sat here."

I feel overwhelmed by the sincerity in his voice. "It's okay," I stress. "It is your house. You can work wherever you want," I stand up, not wanting to disturb or worry him. "I'll just go inside."

"No, you don't have to," he protests, even more, worried now. He begins to clean the mess as he says, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I'll go."

"No, it's fine," I insist, but he continues trying to arrange his papers. In fact, I feel safer when you are around, I almost say. "You can stay here, Azar." Perhaps it is because I said his name that he halts.

"Fine," he settles it with a slight smile, and I feel relieved to see so.

Reluctantly, I lie down again. Azar shifts his attention back to his paperwork. I observe him silently, and I feel my palpitations slowing down. His presence itself is comfort, and maybe right now, I don't feel as guilty to be comforted by his presence.

Azar addresses me as my eyes are closing, "Abeer, do you want me to wake you up for Suhoor?"

"Not really," I reply, half asleep.

"Not even for drinking water?" He prompts.

"No..." I mumble.

"What about Fajr?"

"Azar..."

"Yes, Abeer?"

"Thank you." I'm not sure what Azar says next or whether he says anything at all because, by that time, I'm already fast asleep.

I wake up and look at the time. It is almost Fajr. I slept for more than four hours though it seemed as if I had just closed my eyes. It had been one of those power naps, with no dreams, not even darkness, like I switched off for a while.

Surprised at the miracle, I get up and take the pillow and the blanket to the guest room. As I go back to the lounge, I hear a beautiful sound.

I stop, realizing it is coming from Azar's room. I walk closer to his door as if drawn to it.