Trust Me (An Islamic Love Story)

Chapter 25

"What have I done?" I quiver, my entire body is shivering.

"Don't cry," Azar says almost inaudibly, after a pause and that's when I realize that I am crying. I am embarrassed. I quickly brush away my tears, afraid of his rage.

Azar sighs and pinches his forehead with closed eyes. He says something under his breath and then looks at me with an unreadable, calm expression. He sits down on the bed, without looking away from me, and I reflexively move back a little, unable to shake my fear.

"Okay, sorry, I didn't mean literally strangle," he elaborates, and saying I'm shocked is an understatement. Did Azar just say sorry to me? I try to process amidst my foggy mind.

"You were screaming in your sleep, and whatever I did, I couldn't stop you," he rants on. "I had panicked. I was worried sick that Ahmed and Maliha would come and ask, and I would have no answer. I couldn't understand what to do, okay? I tried to calm you down, but..." He trails off and looks away from me as if remembering something unpleasant. "Nothing I did would wake you up. I threw water as a last resort." He hesitates before asking, "Are you okay now?"

I don't reply. I can't believe that he is actually asking me that.

"Abeer," he says a little louder, and I recoil, bringing my knees closer to my body. "Are you okay now?" I barely nod. "Does this happen often?" He speaks coolly with composure.

"Yes," I lower my gaze, ashamed as I admit. "I have nightmares." The sentence is so small, strung so easily, and it seems unfair that I can sum up my pain in a line.

"Something tells me you won't tell me why even if I asked," he says, exhausted. "Okay, why didn't you tell me before? I could have been prepared, done something about it." The way he is controlling his anger surprises me.

"Why are you treating me like this?" I finally ask after breathing deeply. "You told me to expect nothing from you, and I am not. Then why suddenly, overnight, you are being..." I don't want to complete it. I am also afraid of offending him by acknowledging his unexpected concern.

"Abeer, don't ask me questions," he reprimands, getting up and pouring a glass of water. "Add that to the list of my conditions."

"Why everything you say—"

"I think, you didn't pay attention to what I just said," Azar grits his teeth and forces the glass into my hand. I take it keeping my pride aside, and say Bismillah under my breath and drink the whole glass of water in three sips.

"You say you expect nothing from me, but you lie, Abeer. You lied. You think I am a fool?" He says in a wary voice rather than an accusing tone.

"I don't understand," I say in a small voice.

"Lying again," he sighs. "Do you think I didn't notice how you agreed to share the bed? It was because of your fear of the dark, wasn't it?" He confronts. "You knew you were going to have nightmares, and you expected me to just accept it. You are expecting me to just accept you. You lied, and you knew."

I feel awfully guilty but helpless. "Then why did you? Why aren't you questioning me?"

"Because I don't care about what happens to you, I don't want to know," he shrugs. "Is that too hard to believe?"

Not at all.

"And angel, why didn't you tell me you have a fever?" He says in a sweet, sarcastic voice. The muscles on his forehead tighten for a second and then relax. He softens his voice. "And how often do you get nightmares like this?"

"I am sorry for the trouble today," I surprise myself by saying. "It won't be happening again." Lies. Azar is right. I'm a liar. What's wrong with me?

"Good," he remarks with relief. "Okay, Mama and Baba are coming with breakfast here by seven." He walks to the other side of the bed. "Get ready, look fresh and do something about the fever before they arrive. I'm going to take a nap for a few hours."