𝔸 𝔹𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕥 𝕄𝕒𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒 𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕣 || Dabi x Reader x Shigaraki

Chapter 1

I slowly open my eyes. 

"Yo, what the fuck, my head is pounding," I say to myself, trying to get a grasp on what's happening. 

As my vision gets less blurry I look up and see a crusty femboy twink, a shadow daddy, a purple Frankenstein's monster, a crazy looking blonde literal child, and a teenage mutant ninja turtle, all looking pretty surprised. 

*cough* "Heyyyy, how's it going?" I ask, biting my lip a little bit. 

"What," Crusty man says, pretty unamused. "How, where? Ugh whatever, do you know who Stain is?" 

"Oooohhh, that's how you people are familiar, yes I know daddy Stain, and let me just say......Tomura Shigaraki....you could really use some moisturizer," I say, giving Shiggy a smirk. 

As I recognize everybody in the room as the League of Villains, crusty man being Tomura Shigaraki, shadow daddy being Kurogiri, Frankenstein's monster being Dabi, the psychopath child being Himiko Toga, and the lizard turtle dude being Spinner, I realize that I am not at home in my bed anymore.

"What did you just say to me?" He says, glaring at me behind the hand attachment on his face. 

"I said you could use some moisturizer, come here and I can rub it on you," I say as I wink. 

He looks a little flustered.

"Ok, alright, time to get dusted," He says as he reaches out to grab me.

My eyes widen as he gets closer, but hey yolo, so I reach my hand up to his and intertwine my fingers with his. I clench my eyes shut as I wait for my disintegration to happen, ready to die happy because I got to hold hands with dusty man himself. I hear a couple gasps in the room as we hold hands, all ready for me to die too. 

A few seconds pass. 

A few more seconds pass.

A whole fucking minute passes.

"Oh, so I'm not dead, greaaatttt," I say in a monotone voice. 

I bring Shiggy's hand up to my face and kiss his knuckles, looking him dead in the eyes. He looks shocked and a little red. 

"I- what? Patchwork, burn her," Shiggy says as he jolts his hand away from mine, rubbing the back of it.

"Sorry kid, nothing personal," Dabi says as he throws his blue flame at me. 

I feel nothing, no burn mark, no heat, nothing. Dabi grunts and flinches back a little bit, realizing his quirk had no effect on me. 

"Ooo, I liked that little noise you made, how can I make you do that again~?" I ask, giving him a wink too. 

Dabi looks unamused and glances over at Shiggy, both of them realizing that their quirks aren't working. I see Toga turn her nose up at me.

"I really don't want to get this girl's blood," she says, pouting at Shiggy.

"Hey guys," I chime in. "How about you let me, I don't know, stay here? I like, woke up here, I think you guys are responsible for me, and none of your quirks work, and if you hurt me I'll just be into it," I say looking at all of them. 

"She has my vote to stay, she likes Stain so I'm fine with her," Spinner says. 

I walk over to Kurogiri behind the bar and fall into his arms dramatically. 

"Oh dad, please do I have your vote too?" I say, looking up at Kurogiri while trying my best puppy dog eyes on him.  

"Young master, she has my vote, but only because I think she'll come in handy later," Kurogiri says, prying me off of him.

"She has my vote too, even if I don't want her blood, we can still be friends!" Toga says excitedly. 

"Ok so that's 3, 4 counting me, votes against you two boys, soooo I think I'm good," I say, sitting up on the bar counter, ignoring Kurogiri's sigh he let out. 

"Fine," Shiggy says in an annoyed tone. "It wouldn't be a very big brained move to vote out the impostor on the first round, so we'll keep her here for now," 

"Hey crusty man, let me room with you!" I say, half joking. 

"Ew no, I am a non-romanceable character in this," he says, coming over to sit on a bar stool.

"Aw come on," I say as I lay fully down on the counter, coming face to face with him.

"Not happening," He says, looking away from me. 

I reach a hand up and twirl his hair around my finger. He side eyes me and slaps my hand away, making me let out a small noise of annoyance. 

"I'll put lotion on yoooouuuu," I flip myself over so I'm laying on my stomach. "I'll put chapstick on youuuu!" I look up and he's still not budging. 

Hmm I gotta think, I know he'd probably be opposed to all those ideas so I gotta get something good so I can room with him. I know Dabi wont budge and it might just be awkward silence if I go in with him, I am still a stranger to these people after all. 

"Oh Tomura please! I beg of you! You're such an epic gamer chad who can get all the ladies, and men, so please let me be your gaming buddy! Let me be your player 2," I say as I get on my knees, still on the counter in front of him. 

"Ew, no thanks," He says, moving over to the bar stool next to him. 

"I'll suck your dick," I say, desperate. 

Shiggy looks at me and gets bright red. The rest of the team members that are present all flinch at my comment. 

"Oh my God, ok, fine, I don't see why you'd want to room with me and I don't see why you even want to be with us, but if you're really that desperate, fine," he says. 

"So do I gotta suck your dick or not?" I ask. 

He recoils at my comment and gets red again.

"No, definitely not,"

"Ok, so we're room buddies!" I say, smiling.