Taming A Predator

Chapter 41

Xander's POV:

Nico silently lead me back into the inside portion of the gardens, settling me down into a bench hidden amongst the brush.

He disappeared for about two seconds, returning with a glass of water that he handed to me as he sat beside me.

I took it from my hunched position, keeping my elbows on my knees while I worked on convincing the rest of my body to calm down now that the other part was.

Wiping my eyes with my thumb and forcing slow, deep breaths.

"You're one of the few vampires I know who has these kinds of fights with themselves outside of the bloodmoon," He casually began.

I took small drinks of the cold beverage, savoring the feeling of it over my burning throat, but still feeling cautious enough not to just chug it.

I knew that these kinds of instances weren't very common.

Some vampires aren't even completely aware of the difference between their thoughts and the urges of their vampirism.

Then even for the ones that did, even then, they didn't care beyond just having the knowledge.

I never understood how anyone just acts on any urge they find themselves having, and feels good about it afterward.

It was the reason vampires had such a bad reputation when I knew we had the potential to be better.

But I knew even then that Nico wasn't like that either.

He was raised with the same knowledge I was when it came to these things, and yet I rarely if ever noticed any problems arising from him when it came down to things like this.

If anything, he worked with it in such a way that made it look like it was as simple as breathing.

"How do you work with yours so easily?" The croak nearly came out as a whimper.

"Because I don't withhold the needs I have as a vampire. It doesn't take much to keep that part of us happy. Keep it fed, keep it rested. Sustain it with the things it's deemed as priorities."

Right. That was the problem.

And the thing is, it's never been this much of a problem for me until over two years ago.

Before then I felt like I had this just about as under control as he always did.

My brows pinched together, focusing on the ice in my glass.

"But even then... you still have disagreements with it right? And you just seem so unphased."

He's described it to me in basic terms before. How he works with it whenever the instinct sparks up. How he can get it to hold off without leading to an internal attack.

I turned my head just intine to see him let out a thoughtful sigh, raising his elbows up onto the backrest.

"It's different for everyone, Xan. For me, I trust myself to get things done, and to get it done in a way that I know will give me the results that I want. It's that confidence that keeps the instinct from getting too involved on the rare occasion that things get out of hand. If you lack confidence," He paused for a short second, "If you don't trust yourself to accomplish certain things in the same way, then of course that part of you is going to be antsy. If you don't trust yourself to do the right things, then neither will your instincts."

My lips pressed together hard, his words mixing with my previous thoughts and bringing to light something more clear than ever.

It was something that I didn't like thinking about. Either because I didn't like thinking back on it, or it just wasn't something that I wanted to admit to myself.