The Littlest Wolf

Part 15

"What do you mean?" came the other male, I could just about see his hair and face over the bush I was hiding behind, I knew it wasn't rhe best place but for now it did the job

"I want her, I really do. When I'm around her I don't ever want to keep my hands off of her, I want to show her how to truly be loved, loved by me. I want to give her everything she's ever dreamed of and then even more than that and I want her to rule by my side as Luna.."

Damn, that was cute. It was nice to hear Theodore talking like this 

"..but"

There's always a damn but 

"Every time I put my hands on her body or I see the baby, I think of him. I don't even know who he is and I'm not sure if that makes it worse. I see this faceless man with my mate, doing all the things I should be doing. He got there before me, claimed her like they were no better than common dogs"

I hear Theodore's voice falter and a bang as he has no doubt punched the table they are sitting at. I feel a ball of anger in the bottom of my stomach but I don't move or say anything. I don't think he would ever say any of this to my face so I needed to know now.

"What about you and Lilly and the others?" the other man asks making my stomach now churn

"They were just fun, nothing more" Theodore says trying to defend himself like he is any better. Just because my... relations resulted in a child doesn't make either of us better or worse. Plus from what I was hearing, the blonde girl saw it as much more than just a bit of fun

"Double standards Theodore" the guy mutters and I want to punch the air and clap him

"I guess you're right, that's why you're my right hand man Oscar" Hunter pauses

I guessed this man was his Beta, the second in command who tended to have the closest relationship with the Alpha other than his Luna... usually.

"But..." Theodore started again, I wasn't sure I could listen to much more of it but I also couldn't seem to pull away "It doesn't change that I feel disgusted and yet in awe at the same time. Seeing the power she had today, I was proud at how she dealt with it, like a true Luna but she should never have been in this position"

"How are the pack supposed to accept her, well more so the child, how are we supposed to pretend like this didn't happen?We can't. There's a constant physical reminder, always there, forever but the thought of her leaving crushes me. I'm not sure how to live with her but I also don't think I can live without her"

My heart aches at the thought of rejection, I knew if the time came that I had to make a decision it would be made whether I liked it or not but it didn't mean that the reality of it didn't crush me.

"You can't lock her up forever" Oscar responds, pointing out the obvious.... then again maybe it wasn't the obvious to Theodore as he had already tried to do this once and it clearly didn't work.

"I know but then do I let them both wonder around. A constant reminder for me and a cause for the pack to believe me weak... big, bad Alpha accepting a pup that isn't his - doesn't exactly scream in control" Theodore mused shaking his head 

"You're also not ruthless either, you'd never chuck them out on the street. You wouldn't do that to any mother and baby let alone your mate" Oscar encouraged, it almost sounded like he was trying to tell Theodore not to do this.

When I thought about it, what did I really know about this man other than the fact that he resented a choice I had made which I could understand but he also resented a child, not even a day older. The mate bond tricked you into thinking that everything was fixable that you could love someone and it would be enough, everything else would vanish or fix itself but I was clear, living proof that this wasn't true. I had felt that if I showed enough love and attention that Theodore would accept me. I had wanted to believe that this was happening a short couple of hours ago when I was in labour but now I just felt that it was all a facade.

It probably would've been easier if I had died. It's an horrific thought that springs tears to my eyes and a sob to my throat but it was true. No having to have uncomfortable conversations about who I was and why I had a child that did not belong, no having to tell people about my mistake that caused my mate such unhappiness.

And yet I survived so now what?

I couldn't stop the constant tears dripping down my face and I heaved making the two men go silent

"What was that?" Theodore asked, thankful the winding was coming in my direction making scent detection incredibly difficult, I turned on my heel and hurried back to the hospital wing as quick as I could.

-

I crawled back into the bed facing the bassinet that held my child who was starting to stir, no doubt ready for feeding. Tears continued to drip down my face and past my chin onto my chest but I simply couldn't stop them, I had wanted to know how Theodore was feeling but now I wished I could force it out of my brain but that wasn't possible. I knew now and it was forever imprinted on my mind.

As Lottie's eyes opened she let out a mewl, her lips pursing looking for her milk, I undid the hospital gown exposing my chest and guided her to her food source, she hungrily latched on and despite my utter despair and sadness I could not find an inch of my that regretted or blamed this small being. Lottie was mine, only mine and we would make each other happy.

After feeding, Lottie dropped almost immediately asleep. The doctor had warned me that newborns don't do much 'awake time' but particularly as a premature newborn as they were supposed to still be in womb and it took much more effort for feeding when they were so small.

I wished I still had the welcome distraction but now I found myself clock watching waiting for the minutes and hours to pass by so I could get out of this hospital. I didn't have a plan for what happened from here, I wished I would never need one, I was optimistic before I went outside that night but how he found me disgusting, I now looked at him in a not so perfect light too and I was god damn angry.