Dream

Panic

TW// VIOLENCE  

    Suriah slept most of her days, basically every day and every minute. I barely got to see her awake and when she was, she was completely lost inside her head instead of being present. It was beginning to annoy me. A lot actually. I wanted her to focus on me, look at me, lean on me or do anything since I'm all she has. I'm her only person. She doesn't have a life in the outside world anymore, this is where her new life begins and it's with me. Only with me. Suriah only has me.

    Now I rode back to the penthouse, eager to see Suriah. It seems I had become the one with separation anxiety. Enduring the long drive, I swiftly made my way up to the penthouse.

    "I'm back," I called as I entered and sat my jacket on the island counter heading further inside.

    The only answer was the eerie silence that vibrated through my ears and straight to my head uncomfortably. I paused in the living room and listened closely to anything, except there was nothing to be heard.

    "Suriah?" I called again whilst walking up the stairs. 

    I opened the bathroom in the hall and checked inside, empty. I pushed the bedroom door open and was met with emptiness once again, the bed was made and not a single trace of her was inside the room. My heart ached, a wave of cold sweat rushed down my body and my lip twitched into the largest frown I had ever felt myself make.

    I ran into the closet, throwing the clothes out and prying into the smaller corner hoping for her to be there. Somewhere. She wasn't in the closet. I rushed out nearly tripping on the clothes and into the empty bathroom. I yanked the cabinets open as if she would fit inside and threw everything out.

    "SURIAH!" I yelled inside the echoing bathroom.

    Where the hell is she? She was just here. She was here when I left. She couldn't have escaped....no it's impossible. I checked to make sure Suriah was here. She's in here somewhere. I ran back down the stairs and into the kitchen, not here either.        

    "Suriah," I gasped as I exited the kitchen, "Where the fuck-,".

    I stopped abruptly in my steps when from the corner of my eyes I saw the outline of what looked like Suriah. I paused, slowly turning my head to the living room and saw her lying on her side tucked into the corner of the couch. I almost had a fucking heart attack. I balled my fists up and lightly walked over to her. She was asleep this whole time. Peacefully.

    "Suriah," I said to her, "Why didn't you answer me when I called you?".

    She didn't react.

    I knelt down beside the couch and pushed a strand of her black hair behind her ear. How pretty. Those beady little eyes, rested shut. Surrounded by dark circles and a deep blush scattered around her nose, lips and cheeks. What an angel. A chuckle slipped my mouth. I lowered my gaze and then my flaring eyes shot back up. I dug to the deepest part of Suriah's soul and strangled it with the wrath of my hands. This bitch wasn't listening to me. 

    My hands shot for her tiny neck, grasping it in my hands. Her eyes instantly flew open and her hands darted for my own, desperately trying to release them from the insanely tight grip I had. Her legs wiggled violently and her waist swerved around in desperation to escape. I stood up and straddled on top of her putting my weight on her to keep her from moving irritably. Her eyes formed tears that didn't hesitate to fall down her face, she gasped raspily as she continued to claw at my hands.

    I didn't feel anything except for my blood pumping inside my body at a crazy rate, energizing me with adrenaline that was too good to be true. That and Suriah's heartbeat pulsating violently beneath my grip.

    "You won't leave," I whispered, "You can't ever leave,".

    She coughed out, reaching up my arm and clinging to my clothes.

    "Isn't that right Suriah," I stared into her eyes begging for me to stop, "You can't EVER FUCKING LEAVE!".

    "YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! I WON'T EVER LET YOU GO!" I yelled at her face.

    Suriah's hands weakly started to fall down my arms and back to her neck as her legs stopped wiggling aggressively. Her eyebrows furrowed forwards, closing her eyes tight. She has to know.

    My eyes widened watching her slowly but quickly turn pale, my body trembled as my breath hitched aggressively in the quietness of Suriah's squirms and struggles. No. No. Wait, I'm not like him. I yanked my hands back and watched Suriah gasp for air with tears falling nonstop down her face. She coughed while holding her neck gently. I couldn't tear my eyes from her, I couldn't help but have her in my sight.

    "Suriah," I faintly said.

    I leaned forward cupping her face in my hands trying to console the excessive emotions pouring out of her. She turned her head away from me, extending a shaky hand out effortlessly trying to distance us. She wouldn't look at me and was desperately struggling to crawl out from under my weight.

I pushed her hand away only for her to put it back up instantly. I pinned her arms down and lifted her head up. Suriah's face was tinted with tears and red from both crying and choking. I furrowed my eyebrows together and wiped her tears away.

    "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Suriah, I...,".

    I held onto her shaking hands, placing them on my chest as I lowered my head and leaned forward into her chest. Holding her dearly. Hoping this would go away. That I'd suddenly wake up. It's okay, this never happened. It's just a dream. An illusion. It's fine.

    I leaned onto her and placed my face on her shoulder.

    "Suriah, I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise," I whispered.

    She coughed out a weep, still shaking uncontrollably.

    "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry," I repeated like a broken record.

    A shaky hand touched my arm lightly. My eyes shot open as I stared into the abyss of my own chaos while Suriah's hand gently held the side of me. Another hand gently fell on top of my head. Suriah brushed my hair back, rubbed the side of my arm all while she was in her own state of panic.

    "It's o-okay," She stuttered.

Through her own cries, her weeps and trembling voice. She pushed those words out of her mouth over and over again trying to reassure me that it was okay when it wasn't. I could still hear her struggling beneath my hands. I felt her body still trying to fight back. She said it was okay because deep down inside, those words were meant for her.