Levi's Journal

Volume 3 Entry 2

Month: May
Day: 2nd
Year: 854

So I now found myself in the Survey Corps, but not for long. I'm going to be honest, back then I was never great with authority or taking orders from others. It was thanks to Farlan that me and Isabel managed to keep our cool, and not blow our cover.

After a month or so training. We set out on our first expedition outside the walls. To be honest the 3 of us were a bit apprehensive, but we didn't show it. I think we were more excited to see what was beyond the walls. To be honest titans were the last thing on our minds, we were focused on those documents and killing Erwin if necessary.

The night before the expedition I couldn't sleep. So I made may way to roof of the barracks. The stars were incredible. The fresh air was a much needed change from the stale recycled air of the Underground.

I was soon joined by Farlan and Isabel, with Farlan bring 3 bottles of beer for us. Not sure how he got them, but then again we were criminals.

Isabel was taken by the beauty in the sky. One of my favorite memories of her is watching her stare at the night sky in awe.

I told them both that they were going to stay behind, fake sick or an injury. I wasn't about to put them in harms ways. That was one thing about Isabel, she was stubborn, and Farlan was loyal. Despite my tone, the 2 refused to let me go at it alone. We made a toast to seeing the outside world, and to a new life above ground for all 3 of us.

I think about that night a lot. With a mix of warmth and sadness in my heart. Both of them had high hopes and optimism, a due to my arrogance or some sort of sense of wanting to protect them, but those ambitions were cut short.

I was reminded of that night a few years ago. The night before we left to retake Shiganshina. The Corps had a big feast, with meat, something that was hard to come by. After the festivities had died down, and Hange and I freeing Sasha from the basement, I went to find a quiet place to have a drink.

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Levi stopped writing for a bit, feeling hot tears welling in his good eye. He looked a a photograph on the desk, Mikasa, Sasha, and Hange sitting on a park bench with ice cream, on their first visit to Marely. His heart still ached when he recalled Connie's tearful words "Sasha...is dead". Hange's final words echoed in his head. They both should be here right now Sasha and Connie living in their forest house, raising horses. Hange and himself, nice little town house, they had wanted to have a bookshop with a tea shop inside.

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As I slowly sipped my beer, I heard 3 familiar voices coming from the alley way. It was Armin, Mikasa, and Eren.

A first I was about to come out of my hiding spot and scold them for not being in bed. But I stopped.

The 3 were enthusiastic, with Armin going on about the sea, and seeing the real outside world. Eren was anticipating finding out what was in his father's basement, the information hopefully leading to freedom for humanity. It felt a stab of guilt hit my heart.

Those 3 reminded me so much of that night with Isabel and Farlan. The hope and optimism they had. Visions of a brand new world, a word of freedom.

It was one of the first times in a while that I truly understood what Isabel was feeling. That desire to live free, to see the sky, and her determination to fight for it.

But somehow, I managed to fail Isabel and Farlan, and Mikasa, Armin, and Eren.

-Levi Ackerman