For the past 3 years after the battle of heaven and earth, disabled, Levi wrote out his life story before dying peacefully in his sleep.
Spoilers if you haven't finished the manga
I can't help but ponder Falco's question. I feel a pang of guilt, when ever I am cold to Gabi, but it's hard when I see some much of Sasha in her.
Many people think I'm cold and emotionless, but I carry the weight of the dead. I felt like l failed Ms. Blaus, just like I failed all of those Scouts in the forest, Hange, Nifa, the special operations squad. It's exhausting, and I hate that I'm still alive. I wanted to join my comrades, my friends, Hange.
I should have joined Hange as she took on a horde of colossal Titans, burned along with her, as I was responsible for Eren as well.
I remember the day Wall Maria fell. The Scouts had returned from another expedition, and with heavy losses. At first it use to bother me when people would jeer at us, but now I've become numb to it. It's easy to criticize from the safety of the walls.
It was late in the afternoon. The sun was starting to hang low in the sky. I was in the process of writing letters to the families of my subordinates who died.
I collected as many of their badges as I could from the bodies recovered. I felt the slightest rumble, but didn't think much of it.
A few hours later, Hange came busting in my room. Her face pale and sweating.
She was shaking as she told me the Wall had been breached. The Garrison was in a mess in Shiganshina trying to evacuate civilians. Hange told has we were being summoned by Erwin.
Erwin looked grim, but he had this odd glint in his eye. It made me shudder a bit. Was he happy at the discovery of a New Titan? Even at the expensive of lives, of territory. It was the devil in Erwin, that small gleam in his eyes.
Hange was stunned, I could see her mind conflicted, the idea of a 50 meter Titan fascinated her, but the idea of the death and destruction made her feel ill.
Erwin told us we needed to get our squads assembled, get ready for the influx of refugees from Shiganshina. We would also be needed to be ready to deploy to Shiganshina to attempt to retake the territory.
We spent the evening working with the Garrison unit in Trost and the Military Police, putting together food kits, blankets, water.
The military police didn't seem to concerned with the situation. Some even made jokes, or complained that food rations may be enforced in the MPs.
Those b*stars would piss themselves if they ever came face to face with a Titan. It took a lot of energy to keep my composure. It didn't make a lot of sense to me, that your best soldiers were kept behind the inner most wall.
I remembered asking Hange why she chose the Survey Corps over the MPs, as she placed number 3 in her cadet class.
Hange told me that she just couldn't in good conscience let her skills go to waste. I learned that her mother had been member of the Garrison, and had died defending Wall Maria at one point during an attempted breach. Her father died soon after, leaving a young Hange to grow up in an orphanage. Since that day Hange wanted to face her fear, learn more about the creatures that killed her mother.
"She always encouraged my curiosity, and always told me that we must have the courage to keep moving forward" she said to me.
We loaded the supplies on carts as the ferries of refugees came into Trost.
It was as a sad to see how kids their were, now orphaned. People begging to go back to retrieve bodies of loved ones. I thought back to bodies we sometimes have to leave behind on expedition.
A few days later the Scouts were organized to retake Shiganshina. I gathered my squad together, and we were getting ready to set out to Shiganshina.
I was horrified to see the MPs in the process of arming civilians. Finding an MP captain, I demanded to know why civilians were being sent to Shiganshina.
He gave me a smug look, made a comment about "earning their keep, and how they had to take their own land back". I noticed that none of the MPs would be joining us.
The panic in their eyes. The fear was palpable. These weren't soldiers, they were farmers, shop owners, merchants.
I remember seeing a older gentleman, someone in no condition to fight. He was comforting a young boy who was crying, begging him not to go. The young boy looked up at older gentleman, he ruffled his blonde hair and handed him a his straw hat.
I was helpless as I watched him be devoured by a Titan.
Only a handful of the citizens survived. It was a blood bath. The Scouts and the Garrison were strained trying to protect the civilians, and defeat the Titans.
It wasn't until we returned to Trost that the upper brass of the military didn't have any concrete solution to plug the hole in the Wall.
All those deaths...were in vain.
After everything I learned about the MPs and the royal family before Queen Reiss took over, I wouldn't be surprised if they knew they were sending people to their deaths, to make sure they wouldn't have to sacrifice their easy life style.
Cowards.
Levi Ackerman
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