ℍ𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕤

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༻༺━━━━⁎∗

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༻༺━━━━⁎∗.*.∗⁎━━━━༻༺

I don't have the energy at all, for anything.

It's like my life has genuinely just been plunged into darkness and the only two things I feel are sadness and pure rage.

After I realised he left and forgot his phone everything just went dark.

I have no way of contacting him, no way of knowing when he's coming back.

If he's coming back.

And he took Aida too.

I haven't slept at all last night, I ran around the city looking everywhere for them, the guys following after me like ducklings.

I couldn't find him anywhere.

Every baby cry I heard from other kids and their parents just made it hurt ten times worse.

After everything Matt told me, about sorting it out and now he's left? He left me without a word?

I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought things were changing. I thought Aida was changing us as people but this. This just proves he's the same old Matt. The same dick that doesn't care. The same dick who just left all of us the minute he turned eighteen.

It's like that day all over again.

That day six years ago shouldn't have hurt like it did but my dad had just been diagnosed and I'd just turned sixteen and he just left. He didn't tell any of us he was in New York till nine months later, we all thought he was dead because he contacted no body. Didn't tell anyone where he was.

Yes, I "hated" him. He pissed me off in way nobody else would but it became a routine. Even when my mom died we kept up the insults and he was the only person that didn't treat me like I was made of glass and it made me feel...safe. It made me feel normal. Like the death of my mom caused a huge hole in my heart but it's like I knew that it wouldn't be this way forever. Just simple insults, that's all it took for me to feel like that.

I didn't feel anything after my mom died for two weeks, I felt numb. Completely numb. I didn't feel angry or sad. I felt empty and the way people coddled me didn't help but Matt didn't.

He came in and said "heard about your mom, that sucks."

I didn't say anything to him, just sat there numb except that was the first time in weeks that I had the urge to talk, just to throw and insult back at him.

I don't feel completely numb, I feel broken right now. I didn't realise Matt and Aida meant as much as they did to me until I got home and they weren't here.

I know I care, of course I do. I learnt how much when Matt was caught in that fire but I didn't realise how broken I'd feel with them both gone.

"Fractures heal."

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