The Secret

Chapter 16: never wake up

Jules

~~~~~~~~

I slept with my best friend's brother.

Oh my god.

Holy shit.

What the fuck?

I'm going to hell. I'm the worst friend in the entire world. I mean I've slept with him before but that's when Norah was happy for me and him, if she found out now she'd kill me. I promised her after everything in the past that I'd never start anything with him again. And I kept that promise for 4 years but here I was standing next to my best friend after I just had sex with her brother in the back of his car.

Who was I becoming?

This wasn't me, I love Norah, I'd never go behind her back like this. I sleep with guys but at least I don't feel guilty after it. God, I wish it wasn't amazing, he's even better than he was back then.

"You okay? You look tense." Norah asks.

I look at her and smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not sober." I lie.

She laughs as she looks at my neck.

"And you just got railed." She smirks.

I cover the hickey on my neck.

Yeah, railed by your brother.

I let out a fake laugh and nod.

She shakes her head and goes back to talking to Lily.

I let out a nervous breath and looked around me, I spotted Brennen standing next to Garrett and Taylor who were laughing and talking as he had his arm over her shoulder. Brennen looked like he was about to kill someone as he looked at them.

Did he sleep with me as a distraction from her?

He could have slept with any girl here. Maybe I was just an easy target for him.

He looks at me and I feel my heart race, he smirks and I feel a rush of adrenaline go through my body.

I loved it, it was better than being high. No one here knew that we just fucked, it was just me and him. I don't know why the fuck I liked that.

I smile at him and he chuckles before looking back at Taylor and Garrett. I stare at Garrett and Taylor as they talk, he tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear and I think about how Brennen did the same thing to me before we kissed. Except, Garrett looked at Taylor with love, but Brennen just looked at me like I was a one night stand.

Was it just a one night stand?

I figured we'd be at least be friends with benefits. But I'm not sure what he's thinking.

"Hey, you gotta try this drink Lily made." Norah says.

I push away my thoughts and look back at her.

"I'm alright." I smile.

"Why?" She asks, holding the cup out.

"I've drank enough tonight." I tell her.

Drank enough to sleep with her brother.

She shrugs before drinking from the cup.

~~~~~~~~

I sigh as I fall down on a chair at the table that I just cleaned. I move my hair out of my face and look around. The Grill closed a few minutes ago and I just finished cleaning. I look at the bar and see Taylor wiping down the bar. I feel my stomach sink as I watch her. I hate the way she makes me feel. It's sickening.

I get up and walk over to her, she smiles at me and I smile back.

"Tired?" She asks.

"Very." I say.

She laughs.

"Yeah, you'll get used to it. Don't worry." She smiles.

I nod.

"Want me to give you a ride home?" She asks.

"Only if it's not a problem for you." I tell her.

"Not at all, I'm spending the night there anyway." She explains as cleans the dirty rag in the sink.

"Alright, cool. Let me grab my things." I say.

"Can you grab my bag?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say as I walk to the back.

I grab my bag and find Taylor's. I grabbed it off the chair but it was open and a notebook fell out. It hits the ground and I bend down to grab it and frown as I open it.
Taylor's journal.

I stare at it, I should put it back. But I don't. I quickly put it in my bag and zip it up just as Taylor walks in.

"You ready?" She asks.

"Uh, yeah." I say.

I hand her backpack and we both make our way to her car.

We get in and I feel my heart beat faster and faster. We get home and she says goodnight before she makes her way to her boyfriend's room, closing the door behind her.

I rush to the guest room and lock it. I change out of my dirty clothes and put pajamas on before grabbing the journal out of my bag and getting into bed.

I suck in a breath before opening the journal.

September 27, 2023

Work was crazy today, my feet are killing me. But I need the money if I wanna be able to pay rent and keep up with school stuff. Today, I met Garrett Gray, the captain of the hockey team. I knew him before today, but I'd never talked to him. He spilt soda all over me and laughed in my face. It pissed me off, then after all that he proceeded to ask me out as an apology. Who does he think is? Not every girl wants to get with him. He's so full of himself. He was practically begging me to go out with me, like I was a dog or something.

I've never liked him, he was always a dick to girls, there was no way in hell that I'd ever be seen with that abominable thug. Anyway, I still haven't come up with an idea for my midterm essay. Write about something that changed your life. I could write about my dad leaving and how it changed my life. But that always makes me feel depressed, so I don't know if I should write about him.

I close the journal and stare at it. This was private, I shouldn't be reading this. But I couldn't give it back, I wanted to know more, I wanna keep reading. God, this is the death of me.

I put the notebook back into my backpack and turned off the lights and lay in my bed, hoping I would fall asleep and never wake up again.