The Truth

Part six

The only thing I ever told her about when she was in the hospital was that my goldfish named Frank died. He lasted for 2 years so I was very proud. She didn't remember he was a goldfish, she thought he was a snail. I didn't know if the brain tumour caused that or if it was just the lack of remembering.

Walking through the traffic on a Monday In the town I grew up in, but this wasn't the town I was born in. far from it. It was nothing like Sorrento. I can't remember anything from Sorrento, all I could remember was that there was a wooden beam in the middle of the living room, and all the brightly coloured flowers outside the windows.
I sat staring at the river behind my dad's house, thinking about what life would be like if I hadn't held you back in life. There were decisions I had to make.

Do you remember when Hattie mentioned a girl who went to a mental asylum, and she said it was because of her thoughts that she went there, why were my thoughts the same as that girl? That just proves I wasn't normal.
A favourite chopping knife? Thoughts about killing people? Setting things on fire? Why was I having these thoughts? I felt like I was going crazy. Well from what it sounds I was already crazy.

One morning it all felt different. You lost your phone. It was weird because I was normally the one getting it taken off me, but this time it was you. It felt like we were broken up and were just friends. It made me realise how much I didn't want that to happen.

I just felt like giving up life when I had the chance.
I'm scared. I'm scared that one day I will end up in prison and do some stupid shit. It felt like there was never a time I could be happy.
I had to starve myself because I felt like I didn't have a place to eat. People were starving in Africa. How could I eat? All of that and I got called fat every day of my life.
There were just times I wanted to run away and never come back again. But something was holding me back telling me to persevere in life.
All I could think about was that song you liked called Paradise by Carmody. I listened to it over and over again, all I could think about while listening to it was you. I wanted to hold you in my arms and then we'll call it paradise. It had been like 4 days since I had a hug from you.
I felt so lonely.
My eyes were only drawn by you. Nothing could get my attention more than you did.
You played hockey against Sexy's private school, while you were there, Evie and I were messing around in Spanish. In the back of my head, I was wondering how you were getting on while playing.
School was always hard for me, turning up to lessons was an issue for me. All I wanted to do was sit in a quiet room and just write my life away.

Sometimes I wish I could just forget everything and run away. I would no longer be disturbed. People have their favourite places, but I don't. I've always wanted to but I just don't have one. I've always imagined mine with a lake. I don't know why but I just always imagined it to be that way.