Love Bites

To Be With You (11)

"Main roz tera chehra sunhera, aankhon mein leke jaga!"

Ali placed two mugs of coffee on the table in front of him as he sat besides Neil on the sofa in his drawing room. 

Ali - Tu thik hai? - he asked.

N - Hm. Bas kuch soch rha hoon! - he replied sipping on the coffee Ali just made for the two of them.

Ali - Avni?

N - Nhi, Juhi! - he sighed.

Ali - Neil, uh, I thought you're , I mean I thought you had moved on from her. I know that you do get panic attacks still...but that is because of all that jail fiasco, right? Do you still, um feel for Juhi? - he asked softly but his tone was serious.

N - No, it's not that! I mean, yes, I've moved on from her. Of course, I still do wish that her life had been better & that we had not lost her like that. But, at the same time, I also realise the fact that I can not just live in the past all my life. - he spoke thoughtfully.

Ali - Then what is it, Neil? - he put his hand on his shoulder.

N - Ali, yaar! - he exhaled loudly. All my life, I've just seen people being snatched away from me. And, somewhere down the line, I had started believing that I was jinxed. A bad omen! I still do believe it, but - he shrugged. But Avni makes me want to believe otherwise! It's tough. When all your life, all you have known is wallowing in your own self pity & self-hatred, it's tough to actually start loving yourself, or to at least think that you're capable of being loved, that you deserve to be loved. There is this constant battle inside of me if I should let go of her, or if I should stand up from myself so that I can better myself to deserve her!

 Ali - Dekh Neil, past aur future par toh humara koi control hai nhi. All we can do is take a leap of faith & try to work on our present. Toh agar tujhe lgta hai ki Avni tera present hai, then work for it! 

N - But, what if I actually end up losing her, like I always do? What if I actually am a bad omen, Ali? I can't be selfish enough to ruin her life by my ruinous presence! - he rubbed his hands on his face out of frustration & helplessness!

Ali - Neil! - he sighed. Pehli baat toh aisa kuch hai nhi, thik hai! - he spoke with stern eyes. Aur dusri baat, ki tu hai kon, huh? Who are you to save her from anyone? She is an adult, she can take her own decisions! Toh tujhe yeh Indian soap opera ki bahu banne ki koi zarurat nhi hai! Aur naa hi tujhe right hai ki tu uske liye decisions le! Tu sirf itna bta ki tu uske sath rehna chahta hai ki nhi? Uske liye decide mat kar! She'll choose for herself if she wants to be with you, or not! - he told with the rawest of terminology! But he very well knew that his friend needed to hear it. And, I assure you, ki agar woh haan bolti hai toh bhi main yahin hoon tere saath celebrate krne ke liye, aur agar woh naa bolti hai toh bhi main yahin hoon tere panic attacks ke liye! - he told with honesty evident in his voice.

Neil could never explain how grateful he was to have Ali as his best friend. Though they always pulled each others' leg & only conversed through sarcasm, but he knew for a fact that Ali could fight the world for him. 

His words did sting a little, but Neil knew that no one could have made him understand the situation better than him. Sighing, he put his coffee mug back at the table as he looked at him. 

N - You sure you'll stay by my side if I've panic attacks, right? Rhea ke bulaane par bhaag toh nhi jayega? - he chuckled.

Ali - Here we go again! Horseshit Khanna never fails to make a presence! - he mumbled as he sighed while rolling his eyes.