Pride, Mates, and Past Mistakes

Pain should not be this Painful

*Cody*

 

I knew she was here before Deanne called her out.

Her scent was so intoxicating, but in a good way, like smelling brownies when you came home. It was this mix of soap and rose.

Her blue-hazel eyes swiveled to mine, and suddenly it took all my willpower to stop the urge to throw myself her. She was waiting for me to defend her, to stand up for her, to do something, and I couldn't feel my limbs. I couldn't do anything but stare at her and watch as my brain completely flipped any negative thought I'd had about her. 

If I'd ever thought she was ugly, I couldn't remember for the life of me why I'd thought that. She wasn't that overweight. She was no longer Nolan's loser younger sister but Sierra, my mate, and I didn't know what to do. 

Her eyes - now glassy from tears, great - were staring at me in a way that sent my wolf into fits of fury. I stood, dumbfounded and at war with myself, trying to control the freakish urge to step forward. It was like the animal was rolling around in there, screaming it's head off. Which in turn, made me want to scream my head off. There was a dull ache in the higher abdomen area of my body, and it hurt. 

Was this mating thing always so complicated? I wanted out.

What I would do to just talk to her...but I couldn't. Why had it been me to get stuck with the weakest one of the pack? Weren't alphas supposed to get Luna's that were strong? If she hadn't had such a low rep in the pack, maybe there would've been a chance for us. Maybe we could've been happy, but this...how was I supposed to accept her  as my mate?

"Hey Cody, ya still up for your offer to hang out with Sierra?" Nolan's voice broke through my train of thoughts. "I think that's why she's here."

I could feel the blood rush to my face. Sure, Nolan had teased her his whole life, but it only occurred to me now how...how wrong that was. Wasn't that his own sister?

This had to end now. The longer we stayed like this—the whole 'mates, but not really' game—the worse it would get. I had to stop this.

And if this is the pain she feels— I let out a breath of air as the dull ache became a sharper yanking feeling—I should just end it for the both of us.

As she ran away, hand rising to cover her crumpling face and hair swishing to cover it, I knew what I had to do. The thing was, I could never accept her as my mate, not in the position I was now. An alpha and a girl like her just couldn't be together—ugh, my name would become the laughingstock of the pack.

I needed to end it now, for both of us.

I yanked my backpack off the floor and started down the hall where she'd gone.

"Uh, Cody? Where are you going?" Nolan's voice interrupted my train of thoughts again.

I turned to see all my friends staring at me in confusion.

"I, uh...I gotta take a piss. Be right back."

And with that little white lie, not waiting for their reactions, I turned on my heel, and headed down the hall, following the flash of dark brown hair that flashed around the corner.

There was this secret stairwell under the stairs. I'd seen it as I walked around, but I'd never actually gone in there. Rumor had it that it was now some ghost janitor's closet.

I saw a flash of brown hair go in there, so ghost or not, I would have to go in there too.

The first thing I saw was that no, it was not some ghost janitor's closet. It was an actual stairwell. Weird. You'd think I'd notice something like this after two years.