Pride, Mates, and Past Mistakes

Join The Reject Club

 *Cody*

I peeked into the kitchen, where all the pack mothers were bustling around, preparing the snacks and drinks for Nolan’s eighteenth birthday party. Ms. Brimingwall was in a corner, putting the finishing touches on a big, triple layered, dark blue cake, that highly resembled mine from my eighteenth birthday—except mine had been a rich, chocolate color, because chocolate was my favorite food in the whole world.

 Ms. Brimingwall’s eyebrows were furrowed, all her concentration given to fitting the little white moon candies on the rim of the cake.

For the first time since Sierra’s departure, she actually looked…happy.

Sierra’s departure four months ago had taken its toll on everyone at the pack house—me the most, but I tried not to show it—but Sierra’s mom had taken it harder than everyone else. She blamed herself for not paying attention to Sierra’s feelings while she was here, and the purple bags under her eyes that now seemed a permanent feature of her face showed that she had lost a lot of tears—and sleep—over it all.

Nolan was a different story. The day Sierra left, he had so many emotions locked up inside him, he burst—literally. After dinner that night, he went through a premature shift—a shift when someone shifts before meeting their mate.

Ever since that day, he’d changed. Of course, he still hung out with us and joked around, but every once in a while he’d fall silent and go moody, and stare off into the distance. Then he’d just leave, shift, and go run through the woods, and not come back until after a couple hours.

He too had purple bags under his eyes.

It took Nolan a couple weeks after her disappearance for him to even speak to me again. Now, I guess we were okay, but Sierra’s disappearance hung between us, like some invisible wall. Any mention of the word ‘mate’, ‘rejection’, or ‘Sierra’, and it would get really awkward between us for a few moments until someone changed the subject.

 It was horrible, especially since he was my best friend.

And the thing was, I knew I completely deserved it.

As for me, it was worse than everyone. Not only did I have the stupid guilt—of not only ruining Sierra’s life, but everyone that had been connected to her—eating at me 24/7, it also hurt. At least a couple times a day, there would always be a random pang through my chest, or the feeling of someone taking my intestines and squeezing painfully.

And then there was the suffocating feeling.

That was the worst of them all. The feeling of someone wrapping a cloth around my chest and just tightening it, tightening it until I felt like throwing up. The suffocation one usually forced me to leave class.

And the thing was, I knew it was my fault that Sierra had left.

And I hated it.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t have someone else to blame. At first, at least I could’ve blamed Nolan for some of it, but when Nolan forgave me, I began to feel guilty for that, too.

Stupid guilt.

I strolled into the front lawn, where the guys were playing football. Seeing me, Nolan put up his hand and ran off the field.

“Hey,” he panted. “Am I allowed in the backyard yet?”

“Nope,” I laughed. “Not until seven pm.”

Nolan had been kicked out of the house about a half hour ago, Ms. Brimingwall claiming that ‘it’s not the same if the birthday boy helps decorate his own party’, because according to her, that was ‘absolutely ridiculous’.