I Just Wanted the Remote...

It's different this time

We sat in silence for a few minutes.  “I know I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life,” Aaron broke it. “And I just want to be happy.  I’m tired of hurting, all the time.  Not just because of you.”

I wiped away more tears.  “I want you to be happy, you deserve it.”  I knew he was talking about his parent’s when he said it wasn’t just about me.  “I love you, Aaron.  I don’t want you to forget that.”

The end of his mouth quirked a little.  “Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I never kissed you that night.” He paused.  “I wonder if I would have ever told you how I felt.  I never thought I would stand a chance with you.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled, “Why would you think that?”

He faced me again, this time with less hatred in his eyes.  “You’re beautiful, smart, and everything a guy could want.  I was never good enough for you.”

I shook my head, “Why would you think something like that?” I found myself repeating.

                “I’m nothing special.  And when Kale came over that first day…I knew he would take you from me.  I could tell.  And I was right, he did.  And even with him gone, he still has you.”

                “No he doesn’t.  I was yours from the beginning.”

He looked at me, “I don’t think so.”

I turned in my seat, so my whole body was facing him.  “It’s true.  If I remember, I was the one to initiate going swimming.  I remember I was the one to kiss you, and you greatly kissed me back.  I remember wanting you so bad, it actually hurt.”

                “Now you know I felt.  Feel, actually.  I still want you, as bad as ever.  I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up, and the last person I see when I fall asleep.  I want you there, all the time.  I’m always itching to see you when you’re not around.  I want to see your smile when you see me, and to kiss you when I want.  Before I even told you I would wait for you, I was already waiting.  I didn’t even realize it.  Right now, it doesn’t even feel like we are even a couple.  I feel…detached somehow.”

I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t bring myself to.  I didn’t know if I was happy because he wants those things from me, or sad because of how he feels.  I feel numb.

                I wanted to grab his hand, but I resisted.  “We can have that.  We practically already do.  We have each other, and I don’t plan on going anywhere.  Either you want to be with me, or you don’t.  If you don’t, just say so and I’ll get out, and go inside.  If you do, you’ll come with me.”

He was quiet.

I unlocked the car door, and pulled the handle.  “I’m just asking for another chance.”

He didn’t look at me when I got out of the car.

                I rummaged through my jacket pocket, and pulled out the key to unlock the front door.  I heard no movement behind me. Not even the sound of his car starting.  That means he’s thinking about leaving, or coming inside.  I closed the door, and left it unlocked just in case he was to change his mind.  I walked upstairs, and up to my room.  I wasn’t sure if my parents were home or not. At this point, I really didn’t care.  They don’t pay attention to anything I do anymore, because they were always gone.  A kids dream.

               

I walked into my room, and started removing my jacket.  I listened carefully for his car to start, or the front door to open.  But neither happened yet.  I grabbed night clothes, and walked into the bathroom to get cleaned up.  I turned on the shower, and peeled off my clothes from the day before.  I had no idea what time it was, and I wasn’t even tired.

                I washed quickly, and stepped out.  I dried, and got dressed in a pair of cotton shorts, and a black tank top.  I ran a brush through my hair before I braided it down my back.  I brushed my teeth, and proceeded back to my bedroom.  I was hoping to find Aaron in my bed like usual, but he wasn’t there.  I was afraid he had left.

                I walked across the hall to Hayden’s old room, and peered out the window.  His car still sat there, unmoved.  I was relieved a little, because he hasn’t made a decision.  That means he’s fighting with himself.  He wants to come in here, but knows he shouldn’t.  I watched his car for a good twenty minutes, and wondered if he had fallen asleep.  I saw a slight flicker in his car, and realized he wasn’t sleeping.  He just pulled the phone away from his ear, and hung it up.  I guessed Hayden had woken up and saw he wasn’t home.  Now I know Aaron will leave, and I didn’t want to watch him do it.

                I walked out of Hayden’s room, and back into my own.  I fought the tears that were urging to spill out.  I pulled down the cover on my bed, and slid under, pulling it back over me.  The only thing I could hear was my heart beating.  I lay on my back, starring up at the ceiling.  The moon peeked through my curtains, giving the room a dim light.  My phone buzzed on my bedside table, making me jump.  I grabbed it, and looked down at the screen.  I quickly answered it, “Hayden?”

                “Thank god!” he was panting loudly into the phone.

I sat up against the mountain of pillows.  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

He took a few breaths before answering.  “I got up, and neither you nor Aaron was here.  Where the hell are you?  It’s almost three in the morning.  Aaron’s not telling me anything.”

                “He’s in the driveway.”

                “Where are you?”

                “I’m home, inside, and in my bed.”

                “Why is Aaron in the driveway then?”

I blinked back tears.  “We had a fight.”

He groaned.  “You guys are always fighting.”

I scoffed, “No we are not!”

Hayden snorted.

                “This time is different, Hayden.  It doesn’t matter anymore.”

I heard shuffling through the phone.  “Well you can talk to me about it tomorrow, okay?”

                “You’re the one that called.”

He sighed loudly, “You’re right.  So I’m hanging up, and going back to bed.  Bye, J.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The phone clicked before I could respond.  That was random.

                I lie back down, and turn on my side, facing the window.  I could see the faint glow of the moon between the crack the curtains made.  I lay wide eyed and waiting for Aaron’s decision.  

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Two uploads in one day.  I'm proud of myself.  Even if it's a tad short.  I'm going to try and end this story by next week.  There will possibly be two more chapters, and an epilouge.  

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