Mesmerized

cinco.

I was sprawled across my bed, Lani's arm linked with mine as we talked; we didn't do it often but Lani liked to describe it as exposure therapy. She combined two things that I usually avoided; talking and physical contact and listened to me while I talked, sometimes she did all of the talking but she believed that it made a difference in me.

"So that's all he said and then he vanished?" Lani asked as she rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow. "He's kind of intense."

I scoffed, mirroring her actions so that we were facing each other, "I don't know Lani, it was weird. It felt like he could see right through me and I didn't like it."

"I'm gonna tell you this so that you might hopefully move different or be more aware of yourself. You're not as cryptic and mysterious as you think Ari, especially when something triggers you; your eyes always give you away." Lani smiled sympathetically and patted my shoulder.

I sighed, falling backwards onto my bed and covering my face with my hands, unsure of what to say. Lani had become the only person who could get to me, but I didn't mind anymore; she encouraged me to improve myself without being overbearing or forcing me to be someone that I wasn't.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean that I wanna talk about it. Picture whatever you see in me as a huge ass scar across my face." I told her, "You might want to stare at it, but you wouldn't ask me about it; at least if you barely knew me. You don't draw attention to people's scars." I mumble and picked at my cuticle.

Lani slapped my hand away to stop me, "I'd bring it up if it would help me to understand you better, some people are trustworthy you know." Lani rested her head on my stomach, "I can't wait for us to look back on this conversation in five years and laugh at how hard headed you used to be."

"Let's get through this month first, the future is uncertain." I mushed her head, "Enough about me. how's working at the bakery?"

Lani clapped her hands, "Good job with asking about me. It's nice but I'm giving it another week before I put in my notice." She laughed melodically.

"What are you gonna do next? I'm gonna miss the free baked goods." I joked as I played with her hair.

She shrugged, "I'm ready to get back to my Psych degree." Lani said, she was just starting her master's degree in psychology when she decided that she needed to experience more of everything that life had to offer, I didn't know her well then, but I knew that she liked to understand people's minds; no matter what job she found herself doing.

"I think that's what you're meant to be doing anyway. You gotta stop giving your time and advice away for free." I told her honestly, she was capable of much more than she showed others.

Lani looked at me with a shy smile, "Look at you being supportive, good job Ari! I appreciate it a lot though, you're my best friend; no matter how much you try to front on me."

I rolled my eyes, "You're mine too, you're the only person who puts up with me."

"You mean that you let put up with you. I've met your family Arinze." Lani corrected me before checking the time, "Wow, it's been three hours since I came in here. That's a record for you."

I checked my phone to confirm what she'd said, "The real test will be to see if I talk to you at all tomorrow." I answered; I could have one five-hour long conversation with someone one day and then not talk to them again for the rest of the week, after all, what more was there to discuss after an in-depth conversation like that?

"Maybe not another long one, but we'll talk about our days and things like that. It's not even about the length of the conversation, it's about checking in and making sure that your friend or family member is okay. You understand?" Lani explained to me, she spoke in the same tone, avoiding the condescending tone that people tended to adopt when trying to explain a new concept to another person.

I nodded after I let her words sink in, "I know it's crazy, but I never really considered the fact that someone would care if I was okay. I know that it doesn't make sense."

"Use your eyes and don't let your brain cloud your vision. All you gotta do is check your text threads and your call log, everyone cares about you just like I know you care about them; you just don't express your feelings." Lani called me out before sitting up in my bed. "You gotta get ready for work and I gotta head to Tzhura's house so that she can introduce me to her homophobic ass parents."

I looked at her with a sad smile and felt my chest tighten, "Don't end up in jail Leilani." It was as close as I could get to telling her that I would be there for her.

"Thanks Ari, now go get your ass ready for work. I'll make you a smoothie." Lani smiled at me before leaving my bedroom. I laid on my bed for another few minutes before deciding that it was time to get ready for work; my schedule was back to normal, which meant that I was working the night shift instead of in the morning.

After my encounter with Mahdi, I'd asked Nurse Tyler for my old schedule and hoped that it would be an effective way to avoid seeing the firefighter again. Though I was making some sort of progress with Lani, I couldn't handle being told about myself from a complete stranger and Lani was right about one thing; the firefighter was definitely intense. I couldn't handle intense.