Mesmerized

treinta y seite.

I couldn't breathe, Mahdi had captured me in the type of embrace that served to remind me of his strength. I let him hold onto me like that until I could do nothing more than tap his arm for relief. As if waking up from a trance, he released me with a bashful grin.

"Say it again?" Mahdi pleaded.

I covered my face as embarrassment took over. "I love you!" The words were muffled by my hands, which were skillfully pried away from my face.

"Again?"" Mahdi's eyes twinkled with glee. "I want to see you when you say it."

I bathed in the warmth of his embrace, emboldened by the reverence in his request. "I, Arinze Natalia Santos am in love with you, Mahdi fucking Taylor."

Mahdi grinned, eyes twinkling with pure, unadulterated happiness. How could I not love a man like him? I hadn't scared him off with my abrasive nature or my emotional baggage; he accepted me for who I was at every stage of the journey I'd taken into my own mind. There were so many points where a lesser person would have walked away, but he simply encouraged me to do what he did best- communicate.

"I love you too, Arinze. I promise." Mahdi kissed my forehead, "I've been mesmerized by you since the day we met, and you continue to amaze me." He pulled us into a laying position.

My head rested against his chest as he massaged my scalp, the moment felt perfect. "You don't have to say that, I was terrible to you when we met."

"It's all about perception." Was his succinct response.

I burrowed my head further into his chest, feeling happier than I ever had before. "Is it okay if we don't have sex? I don't want to get my wires crossed on what's making me feel this way."

"Of course. Today was a big day for you." He wrapped both arms around me and squeezed, "This is all I need."

My eyelids grew heavy, "I just realized something." I drawled as Mahdi's hands rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"What's that?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

I turned my head to face him and admired his features as I spoke, "I don't actually know your real middle name."

That earned me a loud laugh from Mahdi as he shook his head in disbelief. "I guess you don't. You've been pretty stuck on the one that you gave me." He laughed. "Latif; it means gentle."

"That's beautiful." I smiled; eyes half closed as I thought about his parents. How could they have known how perfectly a name like that would fit their son? "Really beautiful."

He kissed the top of my head, "Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

I nodded halfheartedly, sleep already had a firm grasp on me and Mahdi's verbal release only took me closer to the edge. It might have been my imagination, but I could've sworn that he held me tighter as I drifted off.

The next morning, I woke up in a minor state of shock. So much had happened the day before and yet a lot of it seemed like it occurred months ago. I'd managed to have tremendous breakthroughs in two of my most important relationships and there was still much more work to do. Mahdi was still asleep, and I watched him for a while; he was the only person I'd ever known to smile in their sleep. Those smiles meant the most to me, I was sure that only Cairo and I ever got to see them.

After a while, Mahdi's eyes opened, and his smile grew wider when he met my gaze. "Good morning." His raspy voice was music to my ears.

Who had I become? I'd never felt more infatuated with him than I did then.