Mesmerized

doce.

In the two weeks since my conversation with Izan, I had cancelled two therapy sessions. I spent my time under a strict routine; go to work, talk to Lani and my family, then go to sleep. All of that changed the next Sunday morning when I found that all four of my brothers were inside of my apartment and Lani was mysteriously missing from the picture. I stifled a yawn, stretching slightly and almost too tired to properly express my confusion at their presence.

"Hey?" I said, throat scratchy and voice barely audible.

Fiyero patted the seat next to him. "Sit down, Ari."

"Am I in trouble?" I asked cautiously, looking from one brother to the next. "Is this about the therapy?"

My oldest brother, Caiga nodded, "That Sunday when you came over, you sounded really excited about going."

He was referring to the day that I'd gone to family dinner without having to be forced or constantly reminded. I didn't take Shiloh; I hadn't spoken to Shiloh or Mahdi since that day two weeks before.

"I'm not sure if excited is the word." I mumbled, twisting the ring on my index finger.

Fiyero patted my back, "You're scared." I nodded, fear had stopped me in my tracks when I tried to go to my first appointment; the fear of being judged, the fear of finding out just how terrible I truly was.

"You need to go sis; you've never been afraid of anything so don't start now." Izan added, crouching down in front of me. "Listen, I'm going to drive you there tomorrow. I have to go into work after that, but Rai will come back for you on his lunch break, okay?"

I shook my head, "You don't need to do that San, Rai." I told them, feeling like it would be a waste of their time.

"It's our job Arinze, it's okay to lean on other people." Rai added. "Especially your older brothers."

They stayed with me all day, skipping our mother's cooking to offer me support that I wasn't sure I deserved. I went straight to my room after they left, I'd been spending more and more time in there. Sleep came quickly, I was grateful for that; sure that I needed to be well rested to prepare for the next day.

Lani was already gone when I woke up and as promised, Izan was waiting for me outside the next morning. He'd driven me to my appointment in silence, allowing me to process like he knew I needed to do, when we got there he got out of the car and walked me to the door; I felt like a child on their first day of school as he wrapped me in a calming embrace.

"Tienes el corazón de un guerrera." (You have the heart of a warrior.) He whispered to me, kissing my temple and letting me go. "There's no need to be afraid."

I smiled, "Solo si mi corazón eres tu." (Only if my heart is you.) I said in response, "Thank you for getting me here."

"Any time hermanita. I'm going to be late for work but listen, you'll be fine. I love you." Izan let go of me, and walked back to his car.

I headed into the office and completed the formalities of paperwork, then waited to be called in. Fear bubbled in my stomach when it was my turn, I wasn't afraid of therapy in general; I was afraid of what it could uncover.

Dr. Jade was standing by the door, beckoning me forth. I smiled weakly at her before walking into the room, she shook my hand firmly then ushered me to a seat. We engaged in brief introductions; I wasn't sure if anything could help me to relax in the unknown environment.

"Let's start with the basics, tell me a little about yourself and what brings you here." Dr. Wills must have read my expression and took the lead.