My Therian Journal

03-20-2019

Hey guys!

Still not too many updates, I've had a pretty consistent tail shift for the last week which is sort of crazy!

With school starting back up after the break I've been a little too busy to focus much on my therianthropy so I haven't done any meditations or such, but I have been pretty focused on my spirituality.

I went to the town library and signed out 5 books ghost-written with the Dalai Lama, even if you're not into that stuff, if you ever have the chance to read a book on his holiness the Dalai Lama I really suggest it. The messages he sends are ones of compassion and peace, but they're realistic and logical. Believe it or not, the Dalai, a lifelong Buddhist, strongly believes in western science and has stated that if science could ever disprove his faith and beliefs that he would not hesitate to drop them. You get to see the science and logic behind spirituality, which isn't something made very public in our societies.

When you read about his displays of compassion, they're so pure, they're somthing rarely seen in our insanely dualistic western world. I've never cried from movies or books (except for Dobby's murder and Chuck's death in the Maze Runner but we don't talk about that lol), but I find myself crying tears of happiness with a smile on my face just from the purity his holiness represents.

I also finished my Pūjā table, a hindu prayer and sacred space.

It may look misleading, but I don't worship any gods. The images on the table are there for me to see everyday and remind me of the path I'm walking. One that leads to an enlightenment and pure joy I've had the privilege to feel and know is real, for me it's just a matter of finding stability within that peace, which is easy to lose and let go of when you're surrounded by the chaos of people who don't so much as know that level happiness exists, and systems which depend on separation, power, and gain. The images that are actually ON the table, are those of gurus. Vishuddha Das is one, he's the man who got me to first search deeper into what there really is within myself, he is a great place to start as he makes incredible videos on youtube that are non-biased and educational. Sri Mooji has been one of- if not the- largest spiritual influence in my life, you can find his Satsangs (spiritual gatherings where he teaches lessons of enlightenment) on Moojiji TV on youtube. There's also Sri Ramakrishna, a very prevalent and historic figure of enlightenment in Advaita hinduism as well as Ram Das.

I also has many images depicted the God Krishna, who to me represents pure peace, joy and non-duality, when I see depictions of him I can't help but smile, this is also why many of them are depictions of him as a baby, because to me that is his most pure representation. There is also Radha Krishna, essentially Krishna and his beloved Radha, who are often spoken about as one, they represent love, to some it may be romantic, but overall the love is unending, un-discriminatory love for all, as if they were family. Lastly, the elephant headed god Ganesha is on my wall as well, he is the remover of obstacles and when I see him, I can't help but feel a sense of peace and motivation.

That's what a Pūjā table is all about, filling it with the people and depictions who have taught you lessons, and being sure that they're all ones that make you feel peaceful, joyful and motivated to action.

I don't normally speak much about my spirituality, but I really felt like expressing some of it, because I honestly can't tell you where I would be if it wasn't for the knowledge I have of the power within me. The power to be happy doesn't come from any of those people, the power is our own, they're just there as teachers to help us recognize that.

I was very depressed for years, addicted to cigarettes, dependant on weed and prescribed anti-depressants which I never took because they made me feel weak (I quit smoking about 6 months ago and quit weed as well about 2 months ago). Typically I'd have times where I felt like I was going to be okay, maybe a month where I was depressed, but it was numb and there was a voice telling me I'd be able to live like that, but then I'd crash again, revert to the suicidal thoughts and terrible habits. It was in one of these low periods that I first felt it, it had been a good couple months of low depression when I found myself at the shop I work at now. The women -now my boss- welcomed me with a hug full of compassion I never knew, as she does with all of her customers. And soon I found myself coming back, the walks I took around town turned from tiring obligations to pilgrimages where I had an uncontrollable goofy smile just because I felt- one -which the trees and the people and everything around me. Because when it comes down to it, we're all creations of this earth, we all grow the same, we all are made of the same atomic energy at our very core, and it's not an easy journey, enlightenment doesn't just hit most people like they depict it to, it takes work and time to strip away the layers of self that you've built up. But from those moments I've experienced of pure, unbridled happiness in nothing more than being, happiness where no inconvenience can shake you, I know what I'm working towards, and that's enough for me. Even those numb periods are gone, because I've realized life is about more than just living we're all here to experience it all, the good and the bad, and we've been blessed with the ability to observe and not identify, to flow with the punches and live in the present moment of peace that we all possess within ourselves. My depression still comes, but now it also goes, I've learned how not to live within it, it's not easy, but it's real.

Hope you didn't mind my hippy speech y'all, thanks for reading if you got this far ^-^

-C.g