My Therian Journal

03-24-2019

Hey y'all! It's your hyperactive boy with the terrible sleep schedule back again at 3am what else did you expect?

I had a really interesting day and felt like writing about it, not much therian related so you don't have to read it, but keeping this journal has been refreshing and if I'm honest it's sort of made me rediscover the love I used to have for journaling. I used to write in journals almost daily and then when I first became rlly depressed (sorry to hit you with that deep shit lmfao) I lost all motivation to do it. I tried multiple times to get back in the swing of things, but this is the first attempt that's worked so I'm gonna take advantage of it.

Anyways! I had a pretty slow day to start, nothing much was going on, my mum left early to take her bf and his kids to see a comedy show for his birthday and I was left alone. I was watching youtube and chilling, and eventually I realized how lousy and lazy it was making me feel (high screen time makes me feel icky) so I had to do something.

I thought what better than to actually freaking do my sadhana (spiritual dedication practice) for once. I stopped because I went through a huge change in faith at the beginning of the year, January and February consisted of me completely wiping my beliefs clean to start fresh and doing SO MUCH research on all kinds of beliefs from all around the world. Along with changing my lifestyle as well, I'm a vegetarian and I eventually want to be vegan, I've done it before and it's not difficult for me, it also makes me more motivated to cook fresh meals and eat healthy, but it's more of a financial issue right now. I also went from having a quite cluttered room (I guess it was typical, the friends I'd have over never thought anything of it, but it felt like way too much for me) to getting rid of just about everything so now all I have left is my bed, my rat cage, enough clothes for 1 week and my sadhana table and meditation pillow.

Faith wise, well last year in April, my older brother passed away. At the time I was agnostic (I believed a "higher power" could exist, but could neither be proven nor disproven), but throughout my life always felt the inclination to find my place within "religion". To search for that fulfillment if that makes sense. When I was young, raised around christians, I had tried going to church at many different points in my life, but had never branched out of christianity and Catholicism. When A (we'll call him that) passed away, I felt this intense discomfort with not knowing where he was, I needed a place to put him, I needed him to be safe. My girlfriend at the time was Wiccan, and would often talk about it because she was passionate about it, and needless to say, other than christianity she was the only connection I had to another belief system. From researching wiccan beliefs I found paganism, and from then on I was a Celtic Pagan witch (oohh spooky lol).

UNTIL mid January, as soon as the new year started I felt a weird shift, at the time (I was still VERY pagan, even performed a rite on new years) I took it as a energetic, universe thing. Normally these would unsettle me, but this one felt HUGE and I basically decided to embrace it head on. Soon I was running into all kind of gurus from hinduism, buddhism, taoism, and other faiths. My boss gave me a book, out of the blue, on Ayurveda (an Indian healthy living lifestyle). Even my personal life went berserk. I gained feelings for this boy I had been friends with for maybe 4 or 5 months, my girlfriend and I grew apart and eventually split, I cleared my room, I became stricter with my diet, I got closer to my mum and stopped going to my dad's, and much more.

I found Advaita Hinduism pretty early on, on even though I'm STILL researching other beliefs, I find myself always coming back to that. It's a non-dualistic faith rooted in the knowledge that YOU are the "higher power" you seek, but also that you are one in the same with everyone and everything. (There is much, much more to it, but that's the shortest explaination I can offer).

So basically, back to the point lol, I stopped meditating and practicing daily because everything was thrown on it's head! Then for the last 2 months, I've been working on clearing out my room and actaully setting up my pūjā table (which I showed once before), and even once it was finished, I still felt my room was too cluttered to rlly meditate or devote myself effectively. But today I said screw it! I sat down, did some devotion stuff, honoured my teachers, sang my favorite bhajan, chanted some mantras, meditated, had an all around good time!

And when I finished? The motivation to finish my room!! Who knew? What I was looking for was right in front of me ^-^ silly boy. I cleaned and cleaned my room until it was officially done, did all of my laundry, dishes, showered, and had an all around super productive night. There was nothing boring about it either, I listened to music the whole time and danced like nobody was watching (which nobody was, I was home alone lmao, but I'm never ashamed to dance around my family, the good mood is infectious!).

Then I settled down, called my s/o until they fell asleep, and listened to music for awhile.

^-^ thanks for reading if you did!

-C.g