the silence

three. (e)

warning: sexual assault/coercion

    eddy and mae didn't really fight that night, but it felt like they did. all of their interactions were almost painful and filled with tension. it lasted until they went to bed, sleeping facing opposite directions.

the next couple of weeks were like that, too, as they began to move their things down to sydney. mae always seemed annoyed that they even had to move, but eddy decided not to ask about it because they just fought every time he did. the house that eddy had secured for them was absolutely gorgeous, but mae didn't even seem to care. she didn't care about most things and it hurt eddy's feelings, but, once again, he kept his mouth shut.

once they were finally moved in, eddy tried his best to make his girlfriend happy. she'd gotten a new job there that she liked and he visited her there whenever he could. he'd been doing most(if not all) of the work for the move and had been back and forth between sydney and brisbane nonstop. he'd been home unpacking and decorating while trying to get in touch with some of his connections in sydney. rehearsals for the orchestra started in two weeks and he was extremely nervous, but it was alright.

eddy busked in the streets nonstop whenever he had any bit of free time. he wasn't getting a lot of money, but it was enough to support him and mae until the pay from the orchestra job started coming in. he would've gotten another job until rehearsals started, but it wasn't worth it. it was only a couple of weeks.

after spending hours busking one day, eddy made his way back to their house in sydney. mae was off that day but had told him he needed to go make some money for them, so he'd been up since the crack of dawn to go try his hardest. it was nearly 11 pm when he stumbled into the front door.

    mae sat in her pajamas on the couch, watching the tv. she greeted eddy and invited him to sit down next to her and watch. he agreed with no hesitation, so ready to just sit and not do anything for at least a few minutes.

    "let me change, though, okay? i probably smell," he said, chuckling tiredly. she nodded and teasingly plugged her nose.

    "go ahead and shower if you're going to. i'll be here when you get out," replied mae, her voice the sweetest it had been since they'd started the move.

    eddy didn't really care whether she was in there or not. he wasn't really one for affection; at least, not with her. something about having someone all over him made him feel funny and at the same time feel nothing at all.

    the water was taking forever to warm up. eddy stood naked and vulnerable outside the shower, trying to get the tap to any other temperature besides freezing. it finally got tolerable and he stepped in, closing his eyes. he was absolutely exhausted. the only thing keeping him going was the promise of his new job and all the amazing experiences he was sure he would have.

    after his shower, eddy got dressed and made his way back to the living room. mae was still there as promised, sitting cross legged in the center of the couch. eddy sat down next to her and she wrapped her arms around him.

    "how was your day?" she asked, leaning her head on his shoulder. he took a deep breath and resisted the urge to push her off.

    "it was okay. some drunk guy got really excited and gave me a hundred," eddy shrugged, turning his attention to the tv. mae had been watching the new season of orange is the new black, a show she'd been obsessed with since the pilot. eddy had no idea what was going on, but it looked sad.

    "that's good. i'm sorry you have to do that for money, but we really need it. it'll be over soon," she replied and kissed his cheek. her breath smelled like strawberry ice cream. eddy hated it.

    "it's alright, i don't mind it. it gives me a chance to play for people," he looked down at his hands, examining his calloused fingertips. violin was a hell of an instrument for callouses.

    "eddy," mae began, speaking into eddy's ear, "do you think we could, um.." she trailed off, but eddy knew what she wanted.

    eddy had never seen himself as a sexual person. he just wasn't really interested in doing things like that and he'd told mae that before. but, as things go, sex was a part of a many year relationship. eddy was okay with that. he felt like he owed it to mae to have sex with her and that didn't bother him, nor did the actual sex. it was fine. mae seemed to like it and he didn't really hate it, it just wasn't his favorite thing. he'd much rather just take a nap, but most people weren't like that and he understood.

    eddy's feelings about sex meant that their relationship was... confusing, to say the least. eddy was the only man mae had been with that wasn't constantly touching her or trying to get in her pants. in fact, eddy never really tried to get into her pants. she thought it was quite odd, but they both brushed it off and mae savored the little moments when he did touch her or kiss her or just hug her after a long day. she guessed he just wasn't one for touch, and that was fine.

    and so, when mae whispered her anxious question into eddy's ear, he nodded. it had been awhile and he felt bad for his disinterest.

    mae stood up and led eddy to their bedroom, oblivious to the fact that he was only half awake. she pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him, kissing his neck aggressively. he was so tired he could barely feel anything, but he blinked hard and let his mind drift. mae usually spent a lot of time trying to get him into the mood anyways because he just genuinely didn't care about having sex.

    eddy didn't want to close his eyes because he knew he might fall asleep, so he just stared up at the ceiling. the last thing he needed to do was piss her off further because he was too tired to argue. he'd just let her do her thing and then eventually it would be over and he could go to sleep. mae lifted up and pulled his shirt over his head before removing her own and her bra, grabbing his hands and putting them on her breasts.

    that's another thing eddy thought was pretty weird. he just really didn't care about boobs. they were nice to look at or whatever, but they didn't really do anything to get him in the mood. he thought about it as he touched mae's but brushed it off again. it was stupid.

    mae leaned down to kiss eddy and he had to close his eyes. he focused on kissing her back and not letting his hands just fall limp to his sides so it wasn't obvious he was halfway unconscious. he really wasn't in the mood in the slightest, but he tried to seem more into what was happening to him.

    as mae put her hand down his pants, the only thing on his mind was that he was uncomfortable. he was very uncomfortable. he didn't want to be doing what they were doing anymore.

    "mae," he mumbled, squirming under her touch, "stop, hold on."

    she didn't stop. in fact, she sped up, making eddy's level of discomfort increase. he grunted and shook his head, trying to push her away.

    "hey, i said stop," he said, louder. mae grabbed his shoulder and forced their lips together.

    "let me touch you," she said into his ear, her voice like nails on a chalkboard. eddy tried to wriggle out of her grip.

    "no. i said no, fucking stop," he said angrily, shoving her off of him. she pursed her lips and stared at him.

"eddy," she said, tears in her eyes, "please. just one time, please."

eddy looked at her sitting there. he felt absolutely disgusting and had the terrible urge to go shower again. he didn't want her anywhere near him.

"okay," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

he closed his eyes and pretended to be somewhere else that entire night. there were no words for how he felt, but here's a few that might do the trick: violated. disgusted. heartbroken. betrayed.

mae was so happy when it was over that it was almost worth it. she seemed to think that this was what love meant, but eddy felt like he'd just been shot. laying next to her felt like laying with a stranger. he stared at her after she fell asleep, unable to move.

he cried himself to sleep that night.