the silence

thirty-eight.

as soon as the large doors closed behind brett and he and the other patients headed away from the visitation room, a large amount of tears fell down his cheeks. he wiped them aggressively with the sleeves of eddy's large jumper and shook his head. he had to pull it together or they would never let him out of there.

    when he returned to the common room, it was time for more group therapy. it felt like that was all they did: sit around in a room and talk about their problems. it was fine with brett until it was his turn to talk. he said even less than usual that day, picking at his nails anxiously and refusing to look up. he knew that his participation was important to getting out and forced himself to at least say something. there were people who said nothing at all, but brett feared them and the consequences of their actions. for the first time in his life, he wouldn't let himself keep his mouth shut.

    after the dreaded group therapy, brett had to meet with yet another doctor. he sat in a small room with yellow walls and minimal furniture, staring at the hardwood floor as he waited for the tall man to enter the room.

    finally, brett was startled by the creaking of the door as the doctor pushed it open, a seemingly genuine smile on his worn face. the violinist wished he could return the smile, but his face remained still and he settled for avoiding eye contact. the doctor didn't mind, though. brett certainly was not the first uncomfortable person he'd ever dealt with.

    their relatively brief meeting consisted of discussion about brett's issues and decision making about medications and future therapy for him once he finally made his way out of that godforsaken timeless void of a facility. he also found out that he would be doing exactly that, but not for several more days. days until he could walk out of there and into eddy's arms without looking back.

his first instinct was to call eddy and his hands ached to pick up a phone, but he couldn't. all he could do was lay there in strange silence and listen to the chatter of people around him.

    time went by too slowly for brett's comfort. minutes felt like days and he found himself aching for something to do, or at least someone to talk to. but making friends there was not something he wanted to do. they'd warned him about getting too close with the other patients and he decided to keep his distance.

after hours of laying on the couch doing nothing except listening to other people talk, it was finally time for bed. brett padded down the hallway in his socks, staring at his feet as always. the floors of the institution had become a strangely familiar sight. they were almost comforting.

brett walked into his room and laid down on the bed, clutching one of eddy's jumpers in his frail arms. it wasn't long before he fell into a dreamless sleep.

;

    brett's next days in the hospital were slow, long, and painful. it felt like minutes lasted hours and there was nothing for him to do except sleep. he stayed in his room as much as he could, to the point where the staff had to force him to come out. had they not threatened to extend his stay, he wouldn't have listened.

    eddy visited every other day, and became increasingly annoyed with each visit that brett was still in there. the doctors told him that he wouldn't be let out until he'd shown improvement and they thought he was no longer a danger to himself. on his tenth day, eddy was fed up. brett could hear his heart pounding when he laid his head on his chest, as he did every visit. it scared him.

    "they can't just keep you in here. they have to let you out. i want you out," eddy mumbled angrily, his large hand running up and down brett's back. the smaller boy pulled away slightly and looked at his boyfriend's face, a sigh coming from his lips.

    eddy looked exhausted. he couldn't sleep while brett was in there and there was no way he'd gotten more than two hours every night. there were dark circles under his tired eyes and the light behind them that brett loved so much was gone—vanished, like smoke in the wind. brett checked to make sure no one was looking before planting a soft kiss on eddy's chapped lips.

    "i know," he said quietly. "i know you do. but i promise i'm okay, eddy. it's not so bad in here."

    "you're lying to me," eddy replied without hesitation. brett blinked at the coarseness of his voice and frowned. the taller boy wasn't necessarily wrong, but he wasn't right either. it was bad in there, but brett had gotten used to it. it almost felt like he lived there now, as much as he didn't want it to.

    "hey," brett frowned, putting his small hand on top of his boyfriend's. eddy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head.

    "i'm sorry bretty, i'm just tired. and i miss you. i want you to come home," he mumbled. brett nodded.

     "i know."

     brett left the visitation room determined to make that visit their last, or at least close to it.

    over the next few days, brett began to force himself to do exactly what the people wanted from him. he socialized with the other patients and opened up in therapy, trying to make it obvious that he was putting effort into getting better. whether or not it helped was debatable, but he had to at least put on a show to get the hell out of there.

on brett's 14th day in the hospital, he was told he could go home tomorrow.

a/n: hi!! i'm so sorry it's been forever and i know i made 2 announcements already but i feel like i owe u guys a big apology especially since this chapter is so short. also not all of my readers follow me which is totally fine so i figured i'd apologize here as well. things have been kinda crazy and honestly i've been spending all my free time talking to my gf who lives very far away and i'm sure all of u know. not sorry about that. but! that's not the only reason i've been kinda dead. i've just been goin through it. i think most of u know that brett's time in the hospital is partly based off of my stay in a similar facility awhile ago and i realized after i started writing about it that it was going to be very difficult for me to finish because i really don't like thinking about that time. anyways uh i'm going to try and finish this story soon but i can't promise anything. thank you for your patience and i'm sorry this is so long and the chapter is so short ok love u