the silence

twenty-three.

the call that brett received that woke eddy in the middle of the night was the worst call the taller boy had ever experienced. jamie's father's sentences were barely intelligible and ran together like smeared ink on wet paper. the fact that it was 8:42 a.m. and eddy had been sleeping deeply didn't help either.

from the words eddy could understand, he came to the conclusion that his boyfriend's favorite person was in a coma. that's about all he knew. he was sure that the man's hysterical explanation had contained much more detail, but it just wasn't understandable. he felt defeated when he hung up the phone and placed it back on the table.

knowing he'd never be able to fall back asleep, eddy carefully crawled out of bed and walked to the kitchen. it'd been awhile since he'd eaten and even longer since he'd cooked, so he figured he'd take advantage of the opportunity and make brett something to eat when he woke up to attempt to make him feel better.

brett strolled lazily into the kitchen with eddy's thick blue blanket around his shoulders around 10 am, rubbing his eyes.

"what are you doing?" he mumbled. eddy turned around and greeted him with a hug.

    "i'm making you breakfast, silly. it's almost done," he answered. brett tightened his grip on eddy's waist and planted a soft kiss at the base of his neck, sending chills down the taller boy's spine. he really did not want to give brett the bad news. it could wait until after they ate.

brett stayed latched on to eddy's thin waist as he finished cooking, leaning his head on the other boy's shoulder. his embrace made eddy feel like they were in heaven and only the two of them existed as they swayed back and forth in the sunlit kitchen.

the two of them ate in comfortable silence. eddy hated the fact that brett had no idea about jamie's condition and he hated that he had to be the one to tell him. he took a deep breath after they'd finished breakfast and wrapped his arm around brett's shoulders, kissing the top of his head.

"baby?" eddy said softly. brett looked up from his phone.

"yes?"

the taller boy took another deep breath and clenched his fists.

"jamie's dad called this morning."

brett's smile faded immediately and concern filled his eyes, a red tint washing over his face.

"what did he say? is he okay? is he awake? eddy, you—"

"he's in a coma, baby."

brett froze. eddy watched his face contort into several indescribably sad and negative emotions. he slumped against the back of the couch and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"why didn't you tell me earlier?" he demanded, turning to face his boyfriend. eddy's face got hot.

"i—"

"i have to go. i need to be there. i have to go. fuck. i don't have my fucking car," he groaned, completely ignoring eddy's attempt to answer his question.

"i can take you, love," the taller boy offered. brett nodded fervently. relief washed over eddy as the anger seemed to fade from brett's face. only sadness and worry remained as he paced around the room, mumbling to himself.

"fucking assholes. god. what the fuck? fuck. fuck. fuck!" he exclaimed, his volume increasing with every word. the sight of him so upset broke eddy's heart.

"get dressed and we can head on over there, okay?" he said softly, putting his hand on brett's shoulder. the smaller boy shied away from his touch and then cringed at what he'd done, shaking his head.

"i'm sorry, eddy. it's not you. i just.. i just can't," he laughed bitterly, tugging at his hair. eddy nodded patiently.

"i know. you don't have to apologize for anything, my love," he replied. brett stared at him for a moment before leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"you're an angel," he said into eddy's ear. "i'll be right back."

the taller boy watched brett disappear behind his bedroom door and sighed loudly. seeing brett stressed out made him unexplainably sad. he deserved the world and eddy wished he could give it to him.

soon after he entered the room, brett exited it wearing his own pants but one of eddy's jumpers. the sight of the small boy in the oversized clothes made eddy smile a little and he bit his lip. brett was not in the mood for smiling, but wearing eddy's clothes made him feel the tiniest bit better. he walked over to the taller boy and hugged him tightly without saying a word.

"are you okay?" eddy asked. brett shook his head.

"i know. i'm so sorry, bretty. let's go see him, yeah? maybe you'll feel better."

"no i won't," the smaller boy cried, his knuckles whitening as he grabbed fistfuls of eddy's shirt in his tiny hands. eddy sighed and picked brett up to hug him tighter.

"you might. you never know, love."

brett nodded and eddy kissed the side of his head before carrying him out to the car. neither of them spoke as they climbed inside the vehicle and shut the doors, a heavy silence filling the warm air. their hands found each other and their fingers instinctively intertwined, a comfortingly familiar feeling. brett clenched his jaw and held back tears as he stared out the window.

    by the time they arrived at the hospital, brett's attempts to stop crying had completely failed. sadness consumed his entire body and it was all he could do to get himself out of the car. eddy wished over and over again that there was something he could do, but nothing useful ever came to mind. he was stuck.

    the two violinists made their way into the hospital and began the annoying process of getting brett in the same room with his best friend. it took quite awhile for them to be allowed back to see jamie and brett was in tears the entire time. all he wanted was to see his friend's face and tell him he loved him and pray to god his words reached jamie's ears. when the time came, he practically ran to the room where jamie was, dragging a sluggish and exhausted eddy behind him.

brett was not prepared for the way jamie looked in that bed. the man was 6'6, roughly, and he looked the smallest brett had ever seen him. the beaming light was drained from his face, his eyelids didn't move, and his mouth and arms did not open to greet brett affectionately when he walked into the room. the heartbreak was visible on brett's face and eddy squeezed his trembling hand lightly.

    "i'm okay," brett whispered, more to himself than to his boyfriend.

    "you don't have to be," eddy offered. brett sniffled.

    "i'm not," he shook his head and walked over to where his best friend lay in the bed. eddy followed him and stared down at jamie's face, missing his loud voice and exciting demeanor.

brett was crying again now, his small body shaken by heaving sobs.

"what am i going to do, eddy?" he said brokenly, hands digging into the taller boy's back. eddy sighed and stroked brett's hair.

"i don't know, baby. but i'll be here with you unless you tell me to leave." eddy's voice didn't waver in his statement and brett frowned slightly more so than he already had been.

"i would never tell you to leave."

"i know."

the two of them continued to embrace in silence for a long time, swaying back in forth in the unsettling quietness of the plain room. all they could do at that point was keep each other safe and hope for the best.