the silence

thirty-five.

    the crying began as soon as eddy walked into his empty house. sobs racked his body and he laid down on his couch, clutching a pillow that still smelled like brett in his shaky hands. the problem wasn't necessarily that he couldn't see him, it was why he couldn't see him. his thoughts raced as he imagined him alone in that place with strange people. he hoped that the introduction to the other patients would be slow and that they wouldn't force brett to talk more than he had to.

    brett felt numb. he sat with his legs crossed on a dark blue couch in a room with one window that did not open, picking incessantly at his nails. three people had met with him to discuss why he was there and what his treatment would be like. all of the talking had absolutely exhausted him and he'd cried so much through the first two explanations of his problems that there were no tears left. he'd begged until they let him have eddy's blanket that he brought and holding it was the only thing that got him through the talking.

    what brett was waiting on, he wasn't sure. the last woman had probably told him, but it had been awhile since he'd been listening. it was so much repetition that he couldn't stand it. he laid down on the small couch and covered himself up, curling up into a ball and closing his eyes.

;

    "brett? wake up, dear."

    the voice was not eddy's and therefore did not induce any reaction from the small boy on the sofa, his eyes staying shut and his body motionless. it was a nurse who worked in the unit and had come to tell brett that he could go to his room and was welcome to sleep. it was almost 8 p.m. now, the sun crawling out of the sky and the moon making its approach to the top of it. when brett did not wake, she let out a soft sigh.

    "brett, you've got to get up," she said, louder this time. brett peeled his eyes open and rubbed them confusedly, having no recollection of where he was for a good few seconds. the small amount of light in his eyes left when the realization of his unfortunate location hit him.

    "sorry," he mumbled, sitting up. the nurse, whose nametag said maddie, shook her head.

    "it's okay. i know it's a lot at first and you're tired. but you don't have to talk to anyone else tonight, okay? i'll take you to your room and you can go to bed."

    brett nodded and stood up, eddy's blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he padded down the hallway in socked feet. his room number was 108, located at the beginning of a long hallway of rooms. he was one of the few people without a roommate, but his room also had a camera so that his actions could constantly be monitored. not everyone had to have that, but he did.

    the room itself wasn't too small, with white walls and a bed with white sheets and two plain pillows. there was one window. it was placed very high up on the wall and had frosted glass, making it impossible to see out of. brett hated it. the only other things in the room were an air conditioning unit and a bookshelf where brett could store his clothes and personal belongings once he got them back. they'd taken everything except for his blanket to be checked in. the nurse left brett alone in his room and he sat down on the thin mattress, wishing they'd give him his book or his polaroids of eddy that had been taken just weeks ago or the picture of him and jamie after their first concert. eddy had packed his bag well, and he wanted it.

    he stacked the two pillows and rested his head on them, burying his face into the deep blue fabric of eddy's favorite blanket. it was not long before he was out again.

;
day one.

    sadly, rehearsal did not go away when brett did and eddy could not avoid it. the hospital had called their boss and explained what had happened to brett, but it did not excuse eddy from going to practice. he walked in the door at 8:07 a.m., his eyes half open and his face red from crying all night.