the silence

twelve.

the two violinists didn't have rehearsal the next day, so neither of them had any sort of alarm set. they slept heavily in brett's bed with their naked bodies intertwined, blankets pulled up to their waists leaving torsos exposed. brett laid with his head on eddy's bare chest and his arm slung lazily across his stomach. eddy had one arm around brett's neck and shoulders and the other on top of the smaller man's. their legs rested between each other's and they stayed quite still, breathing deeply.

thick curtains blocked most of the sunlight from entering the room and the darkness allowed for them to sleep undisturbed for a long time. the room was cool and a small fan blew on them, keeping them extremely comfortable despite the blazing australia heat that lurked just outside the window. a feeling of relaxation and comfort filled the room as they slept in each other's arms.

    brett woke up first. he opened his eyes slowly and squinted as the memories of the night before replayed in his head. a wave of nausea hit him and he shook his head in disbelief.

    what have i done? he thought, looking up at eddy's sleeping face. the fact that he'd been used to cheat on someone made him feel sick. it didn't matter how horrible she was, it still made him want to throw up. he took a deep breath and ran his hands down his face.

    it was unusual for brett to speak to someone within the first week of knowing them. and now there was a naked boy who he'd known for a few days asleep in his bed. the weight of the situation was hitting him all at once and he couldn't breathe. he carefully wiggled out of eddy's grip and stumbled to the bathroom with his phone in his hand, bracing himself against the sink. his anxiety had been minimal for the past few days and had now decided to make up for all of that at once. he turned on the sink and shoved his face under the cold water, closing his eyes.

    it wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed his time with eddy. it was actually quite the opposite. the fact that he'd let someone in so deeply and quickly made his head spin and he couldn't believe he'd let himself do that. there was just something about the way eddy treated him that had made him so easy to trust. but, now that brett's rationale was kicking in, he felt like he was going to puke. the idea of having sex with someone without a long relationship beforehand made his stomach churn and tears stung his eyes.

    obviously, brett was about to do what he did every time anything went wrong. he knew jamie would be awake because it was nearly noon and he always woke up by at least 10. he dialed his number and held the phone to his ear, sinking down into the floor and wiping the tears from his eyes.

    "good morning, darling dearest. how did you sleep?" jamie answered happily. brett sniffled and shook his head.

    "what have i done?" he cried, ignoring his friend's question.

    "what? what are you talking about, bretty?" jamie said, his tone completely different. it was filled with concern.

    "why did i do that? he cheated on her. with me. and i knew perfectly well about it. what the fuck is wrong with me? i barely know him, jamie. what the fuck? i'm so fucking stupid. i shouldn't have done that. i let myself do something to feel good and i know he's just going to be like everyone else and it's going to blow up in my stupid fucking face. why do i trust him so much?" brett rambled, tears streaming down his cheeks. jamie took a deep breath.

    "baby, that relationship is done. you know that. all you did was make someone happy. he's absolutely miserable where he is now and you gave him some sort of refuge in the storm. it doesn't matter that she's not going to like it because she's been beating the shit out of him, right?"

    "yeah," brett sniffled.

    "yeah. so fuck her. hell, bretty, he probably hasn't felt good like that in forever. and, yeah, maybe you did let him in really quickly. and that's really surprising, but maybe it's a good thing. maybe this is a sign that you're getting over some of those trust issues you've got, yeah? you're not stupid, sweet angel. you are the smartest person i know and just because you fucked some guy who you thought deserved to fuck you and be fucked by you doesn't make you an idiot. it makes you human. and you liked fucking him, right?"