the silence

twenty-nine.

unfortunately, nicolas had absolutely no way to contact eddy and had no knowledge of the current tension between the two boys in sydney. he shouted brett's name on the phone for so long that his throat hurt before hanging up. the situation was absolutely hopeless. all he could do was call brett over and over and pray that the sound of the ringing would wake him up.

    it did not. brett lay motionless on the floor for hours as the rain continued to pour, the sound of his ragged breathing being the only one on the room. eddy remained asleep with his phone on his chest, dreaming of the boy that had just left him standing alone on the street. both of them were in the worst shape they'd ever been in without each other. it was horrible.

    eddy was the first to wake up. the clock read 3:13 am when his eyes opened slowly, his arms searching for a boy that he knew was not there. the tears came again as he sat up in the darkness. he was completely and utterly alone.

    there were many things eddy could do in that moment. he went through the list in his head as he tried to decide on one, his thoughts running rampant through his troubled mind.

    1. he could call brett. 2. he could go to brett's house. 3. he could call jamie and pray that he was alive and would answer. he'd know what to do. 4. he could try to go back to sleep. they were without rehearsal again the next day and he was exhausted.

    the heartbroken violinist decided on option number one. shaking violently, he pressed the call button on brett's name for what had to have been at least the 100th time in the past 24 hours.

    to his dismay, brett did not pick up. in fact, the smaller boy was still laying on the floor of his home in a crumpled ball, his chest rising and falling slowly as he dreamt of nothingness.

    it was time for option number 2. eddy changed his clothes and used all of his energy to walk out to his vehicle and get in.

    "he's not going to get rid of me that easily," eddy scoffed, sniffling loudly as he drove down the road. the rain made it nearly impossible to see but traffic was light, making it easier than it would've been during the middle of the day. eddy's knuckles whitened as he gripped his steering wheel tightly, having to let go occasionally to wipe his teary eyes.

    thankfully, eddy made it to brett's apartment safe and sound. the exterior of the building looked hauntingly unfamiliar because of the tension between eddy and its tenant, making his insides shift and churn like the sea during a horrible hurricane. he was nervous. angering brett further was not something he wished for, but they had to talk. or at least, eddy needed to talk to brett. being without the sound of the smaller boy's voice and his gentle touch was driving him crazy.

long legs trembling, eddy made his way up to brett's door and stared at it. it had never been so terrifying, not even the first day eddy had seen it. the taller boy wished he could go back to that day and redo everything so he could fix it. he'd always been a fixer and the fact that his relationship was broken caused him physical pain.

he knocked. one, two, three, soft taps on the wood of brett's front door. rain continued to beat down on him as he stood and waited, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

but there was no answer.

eddy decided to go against his better judgment and try the doorknob, relief washing over him when he discovered that it was unlocked. he pushed it open and crept into the silent house.

the sight of brett on the floor was not one the taller boy was prepared for. he'd expected him to be in bed by now, but it was clear that something had happened to land him in that position. however, the reason for brett's strange whereabouts did not matter. what did matter was that he was safe, and eddy would do anything to make sure he stayed that way.

eddy scooped the exhausted boy up into his arms and carried him to the bedroom. the smaller boy's eyes remained shut as eddy took a towel and ran it through his slightly wet hair to dry it further, sniffling quietly. seeing brett again made eddy cry with both happiness at the sight of his face and sadness about the fact that he was no longer sure whether or not they were together. but what they were didn't matter, either. not like brett's safety did.

the taller boy had nearly finished with brett's hair when his tired eyes opened, peering into the dim light of the room. eddy was too engrossed in what he was doing to notice that brett had woken up. brett stared up at his tear stained face for a long time then as he finished drying him off, analyzing every detail. eddy really was beautiful. and leaving him had been a mistake.

"jamie's dead," were the first words out of brett's mouth, small and childlike. eddy froze, startled by both the news and the sound of brett's voice.

"what?" he whispered, looking into brett's captivating eyes for the first time since he'd left him alone in the rain.

"his dad, too. nicolas is the only one that made it," the smaller boy said flatly. numbness had taken over most of his brain as he recited the news to eddy in an almost robotic fashion, eyes unblinking and dull.

"oh my god," eddy mumbled. tears pricked at his eyes again and he wiped them quickly.

"yeah."

part of brett wanted to crawl into eddy's arms and beg him for kisses and forgiveness. being without the taller boy for just a few hours had hurt brett almost as badly as losing jamie did and he'd realized how much he really did need to be taken care of. but there was still that thought in the back of his head that eddy was going to get hurt if he remained close to him. so he tried to keep his distance.

"i'm so sorry, brett," eddy sniffled. the death of the two wonderful men brett had introduced him to was extremely upsetting, but he tried his hardest to pull it together to be there for the boy in his lap.

"what time is it?" brett asked. it sounded like his brain was detached from his body and his voice was a product of both of them trying to work together to rejoin themselves. it was distant, empty. and absolutely terrifying for eddy.

"almost 4," he frowned, "why?"

"i just want to sleep," brett muttered. eddy nodded and went to get up, assuming he'd overstayed his welcome and that brett would want him to leave. to his surprise, the smaller man grabbed his arm with an indescribable strength and urgency.

"please hold me," he whispered, voice breaking mid-sentence. he had to give in to that first part of himself. it felt like he'd explode if he was away from eddy for any longer, especially with all of the negativity moving around in his head like a swarm of angry bees. eddy nodded and kicked off his shoes, climbing into the bed.

brett crawled on top of eddy and wrapped his entire body around the taller boy, resting his head on his strong chest. he smelled of rain and cinnamon and brett inhaled deeply, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to keep tears from escaping them. as soon as eddy's arms slid around his waist, the numbness was gone. the events of the previous day hit brett like a bus and he burst into tears, violent sobs racking his small body.

"i'm so sorry, eddy," he whimpered, fingers digging into the younger boy's skin. eddy shook his head and ran his large hands through brett's hair over and over.

"it's okay, baby. i'm right here," he said into brett's ear before kissing the side of his head. it just felt good to have him back in his arms.

"please don't go," brett begged.

"i won't," eddy assured. "i promise."

the two of them laid together until brett's heavy sobs resided into small, occasional hiccups and his breathing evened out, signaling that he'd finally fallen back asleep. eddy pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead and closed his eyes. it felt amazing to have brett back in his arms after their short lived separation, and he knew that helping him cope was going to be difficult. but he was so worth it.

eddy fell asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around the love of his life.