(edit - august 2023: prepare for a time capsule in fic form)
Apollo’s face lit up the moment he saw you. “Babe!” he exclaimed. He ran to you, and wrapped you in a tight hug. “I thought I’ll never see you again! We were so busy on Olympus I thought Zeus wouldn’t let me—”
He noticed you weren’t hugging him back. You just stood there, frozen, your face blank of any emotion.
He shook you. “Y/N? Are you alright?”
“No,” you said through gritted teeth.
“Why? Did I do something wrong?” He attempted to caress your face but you slapped his hand away.
“Babe, tell me what I did. Let’s figure this out. Don’t be like this,” he pleaded.
“Motherfucker,” you hissed.
You raised a three-foot long golden sword and sliced his neck swiftly, decapitating him in one clean cut.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH? WHAT DID I DO YOU? WHY ON HADES DID YOU THINK THAT RELEASING COVID-19 IS A GOOD IDEA???”
Apollo reformed, scratching his previously-severed head. “Babe—”
“I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I FUCKING HATE IT! I HAVEN’T SEEN THE OUTSIDE FOR SIX MONTHS! I HAVE TO WEAR A FACEMASK ALL THE GODDAMN TIME I SWEAR I’M GONNA LOSE MY BREATH AND FUCKING DIE! MY SKANKY BUTT HAS BEEN ITCHING TO SEE THE OUTSIDE BUT I CAN’T, OKAY? FUCK YOU!”
“Hey, shh, let me explain—”
“AND OHHH SCHOOL IS ONLINE NOW! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT??? I CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND OUR LESSONS IN PERSON, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO AT HOME? I GUESS I’LL FAIL THEN, SO I WON’T GET MY DIPLOMA, AND WON’T GET A JOB, AND DIE HUNGRY AND POOR!”
Apollo raised his hand in surrender, standing away from your sword’s reach. “It was Zeus’s idea! He said we have to optimise the world population. Also the humans have forgotten about us and stopped sacrificing on our temples. He said if we unleash a virus we get our Twitter followers back! See, Jesus has been stealing our followers and—”
“BUT YOU DID IT ANYWAY!” You lunged at him and stabbed him in the gut.
He disappeared with an explosion of golden glitter, and you kneeled there, panting.
“Y/N STOP KILLING YOUR BOYFRIEND GODDAMN IT, HE’S GETTING ANNOYING!” said Hades, appearing in front of you while carrying Apollo by the collar.
“He was annoying me,” you explained. “He made this virus that killed millions of people.”
Hades dropped Apollo to the ground. “Covid-19?”
“Yes,” you said.
“SON OF A BITCH!” Hades bellowed, his entire body catching blue flame—Hercules-style.
Apollo inched back in terror. “Uncle?”
“DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SOULS HAS BEEN GOING TO THE UNDERWORLD NON-STOP? IT WAS GETTING CROWDED IN THE UNDERWORLD AND WE HAVE TO GET THEM SEPARATE ROOMS OR ELSE THE OTHER SOULS WILL GET INFECTED!”
“What. . . ?” Apollo mumbled.
“ALL MY TIME HAS BEEN SPENT ON MEETINGS, I BARELY GET TO SEE MY WIFE! EVEN THOUGH SHE’S IN THE UNDERWORLD!”
“Persephone? In the Underworld? But how—it wasn’t her time yet.”
Persephone appeared, pointing a stem of sunflower at Apollo’s throat. “BECAUSE I HAVE TO QUARANTINE, FUCKER!”
