Torn

Chapter 21✓

Carter

I lay in Tyler's bed with the sheets strewn across my naked form while staring at the roof and trying to catch my breath. I feel sick. No, it is more than that. I feel nauseous, dirty, guilty, and cheap. This was a huge mistake.

I kept hoping that being with Tyler would help me to feel better about myself and that I wouldn't hurt so badly afterwards, but it just made me feel so much worse. My eyes burn and I grit my teeth to force myself not to cry. I don't know how I would explain tears to Tyler right now.

Tyler's body is damp with sweat and his chest is rising and falling fast with each ragged breath. He has his eyes closed, with one arm over his chest and one thrown behind his head while he had a sly grin on his face. My stomach rolls at the sight of his body lying next to mine.

"That was incredible, sweet stuff." He chuckles, opening his eyes and looking over at me.

I nod and move to get out of the bed. I need to get out of here. Now. I don't know how long I can keep up this façade of being fine and the last thing I want to do is hurt Tyler or for him to find out I have just used him as a distraction.

"Where are you going?"

I look back at him and try to smile. "I really should get going. Can you take me home?" My voice is dry and cracks, making me wince.

He gets out of the bed, naked as the day he was born and walks around to where I am standing. His hand caresses my cheek and I turn my eyes away from him. I have to bite my lip hard to keep my face neutral and not to show how his touch is making me physically sick right now.

I'm weak. I'm a hypocrite. If I had found out that Quinn or Xander had run to another woman's bed the second I hurt them, it would break me, and what have I done? Just that. I didn't even let them explain what was happening, I just ran. I'm a weak, hypocritical coward.

"You can't just walk out of here naked now can you, sweet stuff? Sit down for a moment. I'll go get you a glass of water and then I will find you something of mine that you can wear home. Your clothes are of not a lot of use now." He smirks at me.

I fake a smile which is nothing more than an awful grimace, and nod. All my focus is on keeping the contents of my stomach inside of my body. It takes everything in me not to flinch away from his touch. Tyler doesn't bother getting dressed and walks out of the room, leaving me alone on the side of the bed.

My chest aches and I can feel my breathing turn rough as I try not to allow myself to fall into hysterical tears. A few more minutes, Carter. Just a few more minutes. Take the water, and the clothes and then get your ass home where you can process everything that has happened, I tell myself.

A heavy sob builds in my chest and the weight of my circumstance threatens to break me. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I know in my heart, whether shattered or not, that the guys wouldn't have hurt me. Not on purpose anyway. We may not know each other as well as we used to, but I've just figured that would come more with time, and now I may have just ruined it all.

My mind races over every encounter that we've had together since my return. There has been no talk of an engagement, not once. It also doesn't make sense in my head how an engagement could even be in place when they haven't spoken to each other in years. Something just isn't adding up.

Regret slashes through my chest like lightning and I rub my palm over it, trying to soothe the ache away. I never should have left the pack house. I should have been stronger and walked my stupid, stubborn ass right back into that room and demanded an explanation.

Tyler walks back into the room, breaking me from my thoughts and hands me a small glass of cold water, which I sip gratefully.

"Thank you," I say sincerely, and tip the glass back to finish it.