Torn

Chapter 27✓

Xander

Quinn took the lead point on finalizing the plan for tomorrow while I took a step back and went to deal with things elsewhere to give him some much-needed space. I don't think Carter noticed it, but at times, things were still tense between myself and Quinn.

We're doing better than we have been in years, and for that I will always be grateful. No matter what happens between us and Carter, I can at least be happy that she stumbled back into our lives and helped to mend this broken friendship.

I still hold a lot of anger inside when it comes down to Xavier and how both packs managed his disappearance. I can't help it. I've tried to let it go since Carter came back but it still feels like Quinn failed my brother when he pulled back from the search. I realize now that this wasn't the case, I know that Quinn did everything he could, but Xavier is my twin, my partner in crime since birth. It hurt me deeply to watch him decide to stop looking and letting that hurt go has proven more difficult that I imagined.

I still feel in my heart that Xavier is out there somewhere. As his twin brother, I think that if something had happened and he was no longer blessed by the Moon Goddess, that I would know.

I tried to search on my own for the past few years, but nothing has ever come from it. It's defeating, and like I failed my brother personally. I hope that once we find Carter and make her ours, I could talk to them about starting up the search once more.

I don't know if I will ever be able to live peacefully or to be genuinely happy until I either find Xavier or figure out what happened to him. I love Carter with everything that I am, but in my heart, I need closure, I need to know to be able to give myself and Xavier peace.

I sigh and walk around the back of the pack house. It's dark and I know I need to try and get some rest soon. I finished getting the preparations together for tomorrow and spent quite a bit of time trying to calm down the mated she-wolves of the pack warriors that we are taking with us tomorrow. Temperamental creatures.

I'm drained, like I'm running on empty. I drag my feet up the porch steps and into the house. It's quiet and I am sure that almost everyone would be asleep by now. A flash of guilt strikes me dead in the gut. How am I supposed to sleep in a bed, where I am warm and safe, when I have no idea how Carter is?

Is she safe? Is she hurt or scared and crying out for me to save her? Would the Lycan go as far as to kill her? My wolf whimpers and begins to howl in pain at the thought of not being able to protect our chosen mate and I kick myself for not marking her sooner. If she had allowed my teeth to sink into her marking spot, there is no place on this earth that could have hidden her from me.

I run my hands through my hair in frustration and huff out a deep sigh. I hate this. My wolf whimpers once more and recedes to the back of my mind. His frustration with the situation mirrors my own.

It's always bothered my wolf just as much as me that she was never our fated mate. I still remember the day my wolf decided that even though she was not the woman that was destined to be ours, we were going to claim her anyway. The memory put a small smile on my face. I hoped that one day I wouldn't have to think about Carter as the woman I lusted after, but as the woman I came home to every night, the woman that I loved, cherished, and doted on for the rest of my life.

For years, Quinn and I were in constant competition with each other for Carter's attention. We tried to move on and date other people, but we were young and stupid and had managed it poorly.

When Quinn and I were seventeen, one summer night we had gone on a double date with two girls from our school. We had been ignoring Carter for a few days because we didn't want her to know that we were dating other people quite yet. It would have hurt her feelings and neither of us wanted that to happen, but we also realized that it wasn't fair for any of us to keep playing with our emotions the way that we had been.