What the heart wants

Chapter 54

Mina hears the keys shuffling in the front door. Soft footsteps echoes in the empty living room and she knows Nayeon is back home. She glances at the bedside clock. The time reads two in the morning.

She's not able to sleep because the dull ache in her heart seems to grow and intensify with every passing moment. She's surprised she's not used to the pain by now. Soon, she'll be away from this never ending, all consuming darkness.

Nayeon watches the clouds from the windows of the living room. She can't help but compare the night with her own state of mind, because her insides are in a chaos just like those dark clouds. Something aches inside her, something feels so wrong and even though she knows the cause for this pain she doesn't have a solution to make it go away. Even the liquor that burnt down her throat didn't seem to douse the pain.

"Nayeon-chan."

She doesn't turn. She knows who it is and doesn't know if she wants to face her. Because one look at her face is going to break her all over again.

"When are you leaving?" Her voice is hoarse, like she has done a lot of crying.

Mina comes to stand next to her by the window. "Tomorrow."

Nayeon's eyes are trained on the overhead clouds. "You're going alone?"

"Mum is flying in in the morning. I'll be leaving with her in the evening flight."

The older girl nods. A silence envelopes them for a while and Mina glances at Nayeon's side profile.

She tells herself she's not going to cry but when Nayeon turns to her side and looks at her with an empty gaze, Mina feels a fresh set of tears assault her.

"Nayeon-chan." For some reason she steps closer to the older girl who continues to look. Mina notices a little life coming to her empty eyes when she lays a hand on top of hers. "I want to ask you something."

Nayeon looks away briefly because if she looked into those tear filled eyes a second longer she's sure she's going to break down.

When she takes a deep breath and collects her composure, she inquires in a low voice. "Yes, Mina?"

Mina removes her hand and drops her gaze to the floor as if she's trying to find some courage there to ask what's in the tip of her tongue.

When she looks back up, Nayeon is gazing at her. Her eyes open and honest, yet so elusive and indecipherable.

"I know you think you've lost your chance." Mina tries to hold a sob back. "But will you tell her you love her?"

Nayeon hates herself because she was determined not to cry. Not in front of Mina, who already looks so broken and fragile.

"Why?" She blinks to clear the tears in her eyes.

Mina is not hiding hers anymore as they freely fall down her beautiful face. Her voice is shaky and her body trembles as she sobs, "So you can move on."

Those words completely break Nayeon. She closes her eyes shut as hot tears well behind them. When she opens them back again Mina is looking at her, her usually warm eyes devastatingly burdened with melancholy.

Nayeon wants to reach out and wipe the tears off her cheeks. But her own set of tears are blurring her vision and she finds it hard to see.

"I don't think I can ever." She admits quietly, not caring anymore how torrent of tears are flowing down her eyes.

"I want you to at least get a closure." Mina says through a muffled sob. "Promise me you'll tell her?"

Nayeon can't deny the younger girl anything, especially when she's about to step out of their lives.

She takes a step away from her and moves closer to the window. She doesn't say anything for a while as if she is lost in her thoughts.

"I will." She husks. "But I wish, I wish for once you'd do the same too."

"Why do you make it sound like a last wish?" Mina glances at the older girl, her heart twisting and turning in pain and agony.

"Maybe because it feels like one. Like you're never coming back here."

The younger girl's lower lips quiver as more tears streak down her rosy cheeks.