Far from the surface

Part title

I took a glance at the crowd as I saw a few more persons coming forward. 'Here I come God.' I thought as I saw my family in the crowd. My dad was wiping his eyes while Daisy hugged Benny with a napkin to her face. I couldn't help but smile slightly at how emotional they were before a small tear escaped my eyes. I slowly dipped my feet in the water as I allowed the bishop to lay my entire body under the surface.

The harmonicas played loudly while the angels sang beautifully. Heaven smiled proudly while God watched in awee at his daughter taking a leap of faith. Ok none of that actually happened, but that's how I always imagined it would be. You know? Something special.

"Here you go honey." my dad said wrapping his jacket around my now damped body. As we stood in the parking lot waiting for Daisy to finish saying her Goodbyes. The service was great, my baptism was great. 'My baptism' wow I feel weird just saying that it's crazy how I decided to join my family to church for the first time and unexpectedly at that. Not knowing that I would be walking into my own baptism. People get saved for many different reasons. Like those that want to make it to heaven, or those that get saved to find the perfect man/woman. But me? I got saved because I wanted a new start. A new me, a new route with God in the midst 100%.

"Liam." I whispered softly which caused my dad to look at me with his eyebrows risen. "I'll be back, I just want to say hello to a friend." I said before handing my dad his jacket. And making my way towards Liam and what seems to be his family.

How is it that I didn't notice them in the ceremony?

I sighed heavily as I tried prepping myself for what I was going to say to him. He looked like he was doing a lot better and that thought alone made my heart smiled. I swallowed harshly as I continued walking nervously towards him. With my shoes in my hand and water dripping from my body. His back was now facing me so he was unaware that I was approaching him. Until, Chester said my name out loud causing me to pause awkwardly. Why is he even here? I never took him as a church kind of guy. Liam spun around almost immediately as if to see if it was really me.

"Hi." I said before waving awkwardly at his entire family who were now all starring at me. No doubt probably cringing at how awful I must look. No one responded which caused me put my arm down instantly looking everywhere but at them. "Hey Jade." Chester said cheerfully before walking towards me and throwing his arms around me pulling me into his side. "The weather's a little gloomy around here we just got out of a long ceremony for Kingston." He said trying to explain why everyone was so... as he put it "gloomy."

I quickly nodded pretending that I understood but really it just made the situation a lot worse. I thought they were seated inside the same church service as me. I had no idea that they were actually in another service putting their brother to rest. At least that explains why they were standing so close to the side door.

"Yes, Jade forgive us for our rudeness earlier. I'm sure you unders-" a middle aged man responded before I interrupted him. "No, please, it's completely fine and I'm extremely sorry for your lost." I said sincerely as I placed my arm in front of my chest. As if I was non verbally telling him to stop. The second I got all my words out Liam threw me a cold blank stare. Before leaving with his hands tucked casually away inside his pockets.

'It's the first time I've ever seen him in a Tux.'

I thought to myself. Though he looked a little rough around the edges he was still handsome. His hair was in a low and messy man bun at the back of his head. With a few strands hanging loosely in his face and he now had a full grown beard with a mustache. I've never see him with facial hair before that was usually Chester's style. His eyes always held a blank and cold stare but this time. This time you could actually see the pain in them. Either the pain was suddenly too much to hide or he just got tired of pretending it wasn't there.

I harshly swallowed back my tears before I bite my lower lip. "Excuse him." the man said softly causing me to slightly nodd. Not daring to voice another word as I was afraid of my voice breaking mid sentence. The man smiled weakly before leaving with the rest of his family in the direction Liam went. "

"I know you might not see it now but this is your happy ending Jade." Chester said slightly squeezing my shoulder causing me to glance up at him. Showing my visible tears before my dad's voice boomed out from behind me.

"I caused Kingston's death, he was also a younger brother to you how can you even look at me right now?" I choked out on my tears before roughly wiping them away.

"Look, I'm not Liam ok? And I don't know what to tell you for you to feel better. But the way I see it you have 2 choices here: to be with your family and be the best you, you can be. Or you can blame what happened to Kingston on yourself and be miserable." Chester said before gripping both of my shoulders.

"What happened that night was scary and nothing will ever be the same nor will it get better. You just got to learn how to live with it." He said looking me directly in the eyes before sighing. And closing his eyes shut as he kissed my forehead and left in the direction of his family.

So this was it huh? How was I supposed to just say 'goodbye' to someone I never wanted to loose? How am I ever going learn how to live with this guilt? This pain? This emptiness? The sudden coldness? How?

I cried silently as I closed my eyes while I clamped my hands around my necklace. 'God I need you.' I sobbed mentally before making my way towards my family. Who were now seated in my dad's car waiting for me.