The Other Side Of The Lens

14. Stay

La La Land. My favorite movie. The whole plot has made me cry every time I watch it. It portrays the love story of Mia and Sebastian and how they evolve over the seasons. At the end, it shows the realization on how they both don't end up together but get their dreams. Dreams are what they wanted and although they didn't find them while being together. They were both happy at the end.

I look over at Mateo and see that his eyes are glued on the TV. He's laying next to me, his shoes are off and he is cuddled up in my blanket.

Turning my focus back onto the TV, I see that we are at the part where Mia's one woman show was not what she expected.

"Where's Sebastian? How could he choose his band over her?" He turns to face me with a disappointing look.

"He's trying to follow his dream, and that's the sad part," I take a deep breath in and look at the wall to my left. "Not everyone is going to be with you when you start growing up." I blink away the tears not wanting to think about the future. That's another reason I like watching La La Land. It gives the reality truth on how not everyone is going to be a part of your future.

"You okay V?" I turn back to look at him and give him a sad smile. "Yeah I'm okay." He nods his head and looks back at the TV, but not before he scoots closer to me. There's still space between us but he's closer now. I feel my cheeks heat up and I hope he doesn't notice.

Throughout the movie Mateo keeps moving little by little. By the time the movie is about to end he's almost right next to me. I have an idea but I'm not sure if I want to put it to use. Mmm...I don't care nobody is watching us anyways. I move my body so that I'm able to lay my head on his chest. I make sure not to look up at him because if I do, my face will be scarlet red. I hear his breath quicken and he turns stiff. This was such a bad idea.

As I'm lifting up my head to give him space, I feel a hand on the side of my head pushing me down. He cuddles me into his chest and he moves to get more comfortable. Never mind, this was a great idea. He's warm and smells nice. I smile to myself and all those sad thoughts from a few moments ago disappear.

It's the ending of the movie, which means I'm about to start crying. I try to hold in my tears as the "What if" scene shows. But I can't. My mission is to go unnoticed by Mateo because I don't want him to see me cry. I mean he still has seen me cry but I had a valid reason at the time. I fail at my mission when I can't hold in a sniffle, I feel Mateo move his head to look down at me but I don't look up knowing I will start crying more. Gosh why do I have to be so sensitive.

"Hey," he rubs my arm in a comforting way. "What's wrong?" I don't look up, I just point at the TV. At this point I start crying more while watching the movie. Mia and Sebastian were supposed to be together and have a family, but due to their dreams they went separate ways. They ended up achieving their dreams but not together. What if that's how it's going to be? What if Alison and I aren't best friends when we go to college? What if all the friends I made this year leave me all alone? I'm going to be all alone in a huge world I don't know. It will consume me alive and I'm not going to survive.

I didn't notice by now I am sobbing into Mateo's chest and he has us sitting instead of laying down. "Veronica," he says sweetly. "Sweetheart, come on take a deep breath. You're okay," I grab onto his shirt as if he's about to disappear into thin air if I let go. I can't lose him or anyone that makes me feel whole.

He grabs my shoulders and pushes me back so he can look at me. I shut my eyes tight not wanting to look at his reaction. Tears are still falling down my cheeks and I'm shaking as if my room is freezing. "Veronica. Open your eyes." Shaking my head side to side, I'm too embarrassed to look at him. He gently moves some hair behind my ears and grabs my face with his hands. "It's okay to cry. Open your eyes and take a deep breath with me," I continue to sniffle and shake. At some point I'm going to have to face him so I might as well do it now.

Opening my eyes, I see Mateo sending me a gentle smile. "Good. Now take a deep breath," we both take in a deep breath, hold it in for a couple of seconds and proceed to let it out. This continues for a couple minutes until I am more calm. He pulls me back in and hugs me, his hands run up and down my back, and his head is on top of mine. I breath in his scent which helps me calm down more. We sit in a comfortable silence that makes me want him to stay. Stay the night. Stay forever.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He questions and his chest vibrates against my face. I shake my head and he doesn't push at the topic anymore.

"I'm sorry," I sigh. "You didn't get to finish the movie and it's all because I'm sensitive as hell and let everything get to me." Telling him in a shaky voice I close my eyes hoping more tears won't fall. "It's okay V. Everyone has their moments, and it doesn't matter if you're sensitive or not you're still a great person." I can hear the smile in his voice. God, why did I have to get attached to him. Wiggling a little, he loosens his hold on me and I look at his beautiful face. I say the only thing that comes to my mind.

"Stay."

His eyes widened and I finally realized what I just said.

"I'm so sorry! You don't have to stay. I mean you can if you want, but don't feel forced to stay the night. I would like for you to stay though." I blush once I'm done rambling. All he does is smile at me. He pulls me back into his embrace and sways us side to side a little.

"Of course I'll stay. I would want nothing more."

Letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in, I hugged him back. I never expected to break down in front of Mateo. Let alone, have him sleepover for the night. I'm not complaining though.

Sooner or later, I have to go brush my teeth and use the bathroom. I let him know and he releases me from his warm embrace. He's like a heating pad. Okay maybe that's a bad comparison but he is sooo warm. I make my way to the bathroom and do my business. When I'm done I look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are red, my eyes are puffy, and I just look like a crying mess. I turn away from my reflection and look for an extra toothbrush I know I keep in her. Once I find, I walk back into the room and hand Mateo the toothbrush.

"Here you go. It's new don't worry." He chuckles at my awkwardness and stands up from the bed. Before he starts walking, he grabs my shoulders and just stares at me. Not the type of look friends give each other. That same emotion that was seen in his eyes the day we almost kissed is now evident. He takes a deep breath, looks away, and makes his way into the bathroom.

That was weird, but I can't stop my heart beating ten times faster than it should be. Laying down on the bed I face away from the bathroom door not wanting him to look at me. I pull the white cover up to my nose and look at the wall. I hear the bathroom door open and footsteps reach closer to the bed. The covers are being moved behind me as Mateo gets ready to sleep. I reach up to turn off the lap on my nightstand, and when I do we're left in the dark abyss of my room.

Mateo's arm wraps itself around my waist and pulls me back into his hard chest. He gently lifts my head up and puts it back down onto his bicep. I take in a shaky breath and close my eyes deciding it is best to just sleep. Feeling his breath on the crown of my head, I'm more relaxed than I was before and start feeling sleepier by the second.

But before sleep overtakes my mind. I hear Mateo mutter something.

"Good night sweetheart."