The Fence

Chapter 37: Protector

Nerves engulf my stomach as I stand here, waiting anxiously for Grey to open the doors to get outside. Grey feels me tremble beside him, and he reaches out his hand for me to take. Of course I take it. I wasn't not going to. I try to remember what Donte told me. Think about how Grey was there for you, not there to hurt you.

"You don't have to do this," Grey murmurs.

"Yeah I do," I reply, my voice shaky. "I have to face this."

"Not now. It only happened a week ago. You've got a lot on your mind, Kirbena."

I don't reply. I grasp his hand tighter as I wait for him to open the door. "This was my dream; to see the outside world. If I fear it..."

Grey sighs so quietly I almost don't hear him. "You don't fear outside. You fear what's outside.

I push open the door once Grey unlocks it, pulling him along with me when he doesn't expect me to move so abruptly. I march him out to the where I think is where I laid down the first time he brought me out here. I can't tell, as my eyes have closed on their own.

"If you open your eyes, you'll know there's nothing to be afraid of," Grey whispers quietly. I grip his hand even tighter, until I feel as though mine has gone completely white. "Look, even the swan is back."

At this, I slowly peel open my eyes. The swan was beautiful. It's pure white feathers start at the front of its bill, all the way down to its tail feathers where they suddenly turn black. I gaze at it, taking in its grace. The swan sees us, spreads its wings and flies towards us. It lands 10 feet from us, honking at us. Grey smiles at it.

"Even a swan likes you, Kirbena."

"How can you tell?" I ask him, not tearing my eyes from the bird as it waddles closer to us.

"I just can. Everyone likes you."

I kneel down, letting go of Grey's hand. The swan is now only 5 feet from us. I don't know why it's so close, but it keeps inching even closer. 3 feet now, and the bird opens its wings again.

"You can bond with animals. Did you know that?"

"What, like as weapons?"

"Exactly like weapons. The girl your brother got in a fight with has a fox for her weapon."

"Wait, he fought a girl?!"

Grey chuckles. "Yeah. Her name is Arianne. She brought the fox from her home. For anyone with animals who wants to have them for their weapons, the government gives them collars that you put around the animal's neck. That way you can bond with them."

"Woah," I murmur. "I didn't know about that."

"Well, you won't let Ky see you." I ignore his stab. "But anyway, she didn't actually unleash the fox on him. She just punched him pretty hard in the face. She gave him a black eye."

"How did she even get the fox? I thought most animals were chased out to build the fence more efficiently."

"Well, that's true. People who work in the fields have livestock that they need to care for. I bet that fox was looking for some chicken and avoided the electrical shock somehow. Arianne found the thing and fed it. That's all I know."

"Grey," I breathe, finally remembering where we were. I don't know how I even forgot, but I do know that the talk of animals and the fact that we weren't actually inside the fence brought me back to reality. "Uh, do you know what she did to make Ky angry?"

"Ky was making fun of her fox, actually. He said it shouldn't be that skinny. So Arianne punched him. He was the one who made her angry."

Grey was oblivious to the fact that I was staring at a gun the whole time he answered. I stare out at the water, the swan still at my feet. Without the graceful bird there to distract me, I saw the shadows of trees swaying in the reflection. It wasn't too scary, nothing that should set me off. I could control this. There was no gun in those shadows. There was no gun hiding in the water. I swallow and slowly reach for Grey's hand. He stops mid-sentence; me not even listening to what he was saying before. Once I hold it again, a feeling of calmness falls over me. I reach me arms around his neck and hug him again, just as I did when I was shot.

Grey is frozen. I'm not sure if it's because he doesn't know what to do or if he's waiting to see how I'll react to it. Whenever he tried to physically calm me down since the shot, it only reminded me more of the event. All I could see was him holding me just before I was shot. Donte said that I should think of why he was holding me. And he was hugging me because I was afraid and he wanted to calm me down.

He's holding his breath. Did he expect the worst? I surprise myself too. I expected to be freaking out because, here I was. Outside, in the place I was shot. With the guy who reminded me of it. But I hadn't had a panic attack. The worst was me feeling worried that a gun was pointing at me. I had to come to terms that I gun was pointing at me and if there is a war there will be many more.

"I think..." I exhale. "I want to train again. I'm tired of being cooped up all the time."

This finally earns a reply from Grey. "Yeah? We'll see. You're mind isn't the only thing that needs to heal. Your body just took a bullet for you. If it weren't for Sutikka and his amazing protector skills, you'd still be sleeping on a bed.

I smile. "Sutikka isn't my only protector. I know that now."

Grey gazes down at me. "I knew that a while ago."

It was then that I realized how stupid I was. My brother was here for me, even if he was angry with me. Maybe it was because he was here for me that he was angry with me. Come to think of it, I hadn't been talking much to him lately. When we did, it was only fights. However, those fights were always about my well being. I wish now that I could just pull Ky into a big hug and tell him his big sis is going to be okay. Neveah and Merida were here for me too, in their own ways. Merida weren't alike at all, but I could definitely talk to Neveah. I remember when we were first getting used to being in the military. Neveah and I were close, and then Luci came along. I think that's where we kind of grew apart a bit. Neveah knew Luci in high school, where as I had just met everyone but my brother. Luci hurt me, but now we are best friends. I told him I would be there for him. I had already opened up to him. I told him the thing I didn't want people to know about me, and he the same. Well, he hadn't actually told me yet, but in a way he had. He tried to help me the other day, but I brushed him off. I was insensitive to his LCSD in those minutes. Val acted like a sister to me. We loved the exact same things; except ketchup. I hadn't talked to her this last week. Donte was a complete and utter kind-hearted person. He never lied to me, or anyone for that matter. He was an amazing friend to Grey. He was aware when he was wrong and spent a long time trying to change just to be more considerate of others. Donte was the kind of person everyone wanted to be around. He wasn't only nice, but he was my friend. He was there for me and there to help me. He stayed calm when I had my panic attacks. He sang to me to calm me down. But there was still Grey. Grey was the most obvious yet not-so-obvious person there for me. He printed a scythe on my uniform, telling me to get Sutikka. He didn't get very angry with me when I broke his finger; something that still had me in unmitigated confusion in the back of my mind. He was there when I was drunk and acting like a maniac. He was there when Luci almost killed me. He showed me the outside world. He showed me how to use elements. Whenever he scared me, he would be extra catious with me. He always made sure I was okay. I can't believe I never saw it before.

Maybe I did, but I didn't connect the dots.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, not thinking I would actually speak it out loud.

"For what?" Grey murmurs behind me. I was no longer hugging him; I didn't need to. I needed him to snap me back to reality, but now that I was here, it felt so natural just for him to let me lean against him. He holds up my weight while keeping his arm hanging over my shoulder.

"For being an idiot."

Grey chuckles quietly. I step away from him and face him. He looks down at me, and I stare back up, waiting for an explanation. I peer closer into his eyes when I see the glint again.

"It's not really that much of a bother," he laughs.

I gape at him, expecting anything but that answer. "Shut up!" I yell, then burst out into a fit of laughter myself. It sends the swan honking and flying back towards the pond. At first I feel bad for scaring the bird, but then I realize something even more. I shouldn't worry about others' opinions. If I scare them away, the people who stick around are the people who matter. I was going to try to fix my fight with Ky; if it was a fight.

"How are you feeling, Kirbena?" Grey asks, a smile still on his face.

Knowing that he knew the question bothered me, and put the same stupid grin on my face. "I'm doing fine, Grey." And for the first time I've ever said that, I wasn't lying.