The Fence

Chapter 89: Watch Out

I seal my eyes shut, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. I've tried to prepare myself for today; the day we all say goodbye to each other. I still have Grey and Val. I won't be away from everyone.

And yet, I don't feel good about leaving.

Something makes me want to stay, and I can't say what. Of course I don't want to leave the squad. I'd never want to leave them. But something is off here. If I'm not around, I can't protect them. I won't know if they need protecting.

I just have to tell myself that they won't.

I want to find Royul, but I want to stay here with my family. I want to hold them close, and never let go. I want to ignore the fact that there's a war, that we're involved, and that we even have to worry. I never thought that when I came to the military, that I would change so much. That I would change because of the people around me.

And now I have to say goodbye?

Why should I? Why should I risk never seeing them again, when we could run away? Yukos aren't everywhere. I'd be willing to build a boat and paddle myself across the ocean if it meant we would all be safe. I can't lose anyone else.

All I've ever known is being with Ky. Even though he wanted to do something other than the military, he followed me here. He loves me, and we would give up his happiness for me. And now, I'm not even going to be around him. I don't know what's going to happen to me. We haven't gotten along these past months, but he was always here. Who will I be without him? Who will I be without everyone who has shaped me?

"I'm gonna miss you, Kirby," Luci murmurs, pulling out of my embrace. "Really, I will. Don't die, okay? You seem pretty eager to."

I chuckle, grinning at the playfulness in his sea blue eyes. "Yeah," I reply, punching his shoulder playfully. "Well, I'm definitely not."

"Good," Neveah laughs behind him, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Because if you die, I'll kill you."

I roll my eyes, shaking my head. "Yeah, okay."

Jeremy extends his hand out for me to shake once Neveah and Luci finish their goodbyes, which I take. "Good luck, Bena."

"Thanks," I sigh, running a hand through my hair. Jer turns to walk away, but I stop him. "Hey, wait."

He turns back around to face me, pale blue-green eyes looking at me with curiosity. I'd never noticed how young he really looks with his boyish features. Despite being 17, his cheeks never really thinned out. His body is lean, much like a cross-country runner. "Yeah?" he asks.

"Thanks for saving me, Jer," I exhale, recalling the night with Holt in my tent. "I mean it. Without you, I'd be dead."

"You've already repaid me," he smiles gently, albeit it doesn't reach his sistine blue eyes. "If you hadn't come back for me when you did, I would've bled to death."

I run a finger through my hair, knotting them into my mud-brown coils. "I don't think I can ever repay this squad..." I murmur, more to myself than to him. "They've done so much for me."

"Yeah."

"Hey, about Holt?"

Jeremy's eyes harden at his name, but he doesn't keep me from continuing.

"Was he...did he even threaten you?"

He frowns at the memory, his eyes swimming with disgust. "No. Not outright, at least. Did he threaten you?"

I shrug, acting as if his words haven't haunted me these past nights. "Not outright."

"Stop talking about him," Ky snaps, crushing me to his body. I let out a grunt as the air leaves me, but I hug him back regardless. "I'm gonna make sure he's a pile of ashes at the end of this, got that?"