Tripping and falling... in love

8 Happy New Year's Confession

Vani had taken Briar to all the local festivals and fairs, the markets and events. They had skated and sledded and even snow shoed. They had helped the grandmothers with the holiday baking and went shopping and out to lunch with Vani's parents. 

Vani still hadn't told Briar about the intrusive sex dreams that seemed to be a new nightly  feature. She hadn't answered either of their text messages. She didn't know what to think or do about any of it. She now knew it had happened, but she didn't actually remember it. Each night her brain tried to fill in the missing pieces and some nights the dreams were more involved than others. 

Vani had been given a car for Christmas and she and Briar had made plans for their road trip back to school. They wanted to go a few days early so they could settle before classes and the Chaos of the new semester invaded their lives. 

Vani actually held onto two secrets. The second one was the information she had gathered in the bathroom. She had sent the dean an e-mail. She included names and every single detail she could think of. She wasn't going to keep those girls' secret and she had no ill feeling towards them, but she had no want or need to keep their secret either. 

Vani planned on spilling her guts once they were on the road. She was having a great time with her family and Briar celebrating the holidays, but she knew it would have to come to an end eventually. 

"Happy New Year's Eve!" Briar said entering Vani's childhood bedroom with out knocking. 

"Joyous NYE!" Vani said pointing at her friend. They were dressed for the party at the main house on the property. 

"We look hot!" Briar said standing beside her friend looking in the full length mirror. "Selfie?" She held up her camera and snapped some pictures. "You need some sexier pictures for your social media. Let's go have a photoshoot down stairs!" Vani was following her with out realizing she was even moving because Briar had grabbed her arm and headed out of the room before Vani had registered that she was going. 

"I don't think we need a whole big thing." Vani shook her head actually afraid of what the photos might end up looking like. She always felt like the bullfrog. Vani had never felt Pretty or sexy a day in her life. She was trained by her peers from an early age to know where she fit, and that was just outside the inner circle, just slightly away from everyone else. She was just slightly not good enough, just a bit of an outcast. Her Nan had teased her about not following in the family foot steps of having a teen pregnancy. Vani didn't have the heart to tell her it was because boys just didn't see her. They didn't mock or tease or belittle her, but they also didn't flirt or date her. They saw her as a piece of furniture or as a genderless amusing human. Her Nan had always said she was the prettiest girl the family had ever seen and that her cousins were  plain in comparison. But Vani wondered why they had boyfriends in middle school and she had the complete 'sweet valley high' book collection. 

"I hate that you can't see what we all see." Briar said posing her and snapping pictures all around the main floor of the old house. "You are beautiful."

Vani hated that word as much as you could hate something that was intended as a compliment. She didn't have low self esteem or hate herself. she was neutral on most fronts, but she just believed in being realistic and recognizing herself as average. Nothing wrong with average, but being an invisible person growing up she never got the PTSD of the bullying but she never got the self confidence of being popular either. People included her as part of a group but never were interested in one on one, She met boys with her friends and those friends would get asked out on dates and she was really great for babysitting their siblings or filling in for them with neighbours when a better offer came along. She was funny and fun to be around as a light hearted movie montage, but not for anything else. She recognized herself as being an extra in the movie of life.