Loathing Logan

Time To Be A Big Girl Now

Sophie

Mom and I woke up super early and sat to have a conversation. To say that it was a pleasant conversation would be a lie. It was the complete opposite.

"Sit down, sweetheart. I need to talk to you about what is going to happen next. And I need you to be brave for me. I need you, Sophie, I need you here with me." Mom was making me really nervous. I sat next to her, allowing her to take my hands in hers.

"Mom. what is going on? Why don't you have breakfast first? we can talk about this right after." She nods in disagreement with her eyes closed. She takes a long sigh, looking away from me towards the ground.

"Sophie, as soon as we go into the hospital, the doctor will give me an overview. We'll see how far I have advanced, or improved with the new medication. Once. . . I am examined over by the nurse and the doctor, I will be taken in and admitted into the hospital, where I will wait until it is time for my operation." She said making my eyes go wide, and tears run down freely. She closed her eyes and looked away for a bit, sighing and shrugging her shoulders.

"What do you mean operation mom? You never mentioned this to me back home. Is it really that bad?"

"They will be removing my left breast entirely Soph. And, hopefully, if cancer has not spread so far, they will try and save my right breast. " She said making me gasp in shock, covering my mouth with my right hand.

"It's ok. It's ok, sweetheart. I'm ready. I have been speaking to my doctor throughout these days, unfortunately, on the last visit we made, we realized that this cancer is being very stubborn. Radiation is wearing me down. It's taking a big toll on my health and I feel like I don't have much strength in me."

"No, don't say that. You- you are strong. You are the strongest person I have ever met. You and grandma don't deserve this. You have to try your best mom, you just have to." My voice quivered as I tried to digest this sudden news. It was too much for me to bear.

"And I am, baby. I will fight this until I can no more, I promise you. You have to hurry up and finish college, get married, and give me lots of grandbabies. Ok?" She said making both of us chuckle through the many tears.

We talked for a while, embracing each other, crying and laughing all at once.

"Ok, come on. It's getting late. Time to go and be a big girl now. No more crying for any of us. Dad must have given the boys the news by now. They will probably talk daddy into coming over by tomorrow or so if they can find tickets being so close to Christmas." She pointed out. Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year, and yet we were going to spend it in New York, inside a hospital room while mom recovered after this operation. So much for holy's and mistletoes, right?

*******

We sat inside the room where mom would be examined by the doctor, waiting for him.

She had gone in to change into those hospital gowns inside the restroom located inside the room. The nurse smiled and left us alone after she weighed my mom. After the nurse had taken notes of her vitals and weight, mom realized she had lost another ten pounds in just a few weeks.

Saying I was scared is an understatement, I was scared shitless, out of my mind. In just a few hours, mom was going to go under the knife and go through an extensively long and risky procedure to remove her left breast.

Mom kept to herself, I know she was scared too, even if she kept saying that she was already a big girl, I knew she was still scared. I couldn't shake off the feeling there is more to all this visit, I just knew there was something she hid from me. And now, I knew.