Fear is a liar (Kokichi x reader)

Chapter 23

STOP!!! READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BEFORE READING THIS PLEASE!!!

To the lovers of angst! Thank you for reading this far into my story! Before the story continues, I would like for you to check the Introduction list one more time. (The list that has all the warnings on it, I'm pretty sure no more will be added ;))

As you all can tell, this chapter is going to be a bumpy ride, but it's not just because of "Chapter 5".

Because you read this far, I know you are fine with topics on depression. I would just like to warn you for a second time before this chapter begins because I wouldn't want to traumatize you all too much. (Even though it's kind of the main reason I write these)

There will be a warning when to skip for one of the possibly traumatizing things that might happen either this chapter on next but other than that, there will not be a warning about activities relating to depression.

Why? Because this chapter just has too much of it to warn you about. So if you're not in a good state, maybe come back when you are?

So please be safe, talk to someone if you need (rant in the comments if you want) and I hope you enjoy this chapter ;)

Shuichi's POV:

*Ding dong bing bong" .....It's morning....how long have I been like this? I should... get up... or I might never get up again.

I.....I don't care. I don't care anymore. It hurts too much. I can't take it anymore... I don't care....

What if I... just killed myself..... right now.... Would it matter? Everything just seems so pointless. It feels like I'm back where I started....

Y'know..... after every class trial, I always wondered...... what would've happened if I died instead of them.

Do I even deserve to live?..... Do I even really want to live or am I just here because..... I haven't found a way to die yet.

Just as I had that thought, I rolled out of my bed and sat next to the side of my drawer. I opened the drawer to pull out a sharp, long, piecing kitchen knife.

I stared at the blade numbingly as my throat began to close up. I slowly and gently moved the knife to a position where the tip was facing my stomach. Looking at the blade with a begging, dead tired look, I spoke...

"....please..... I'm begging you.... please...... set me free..... please....."

And with my eye-tearing pleas, I shut my eyes and with all my might, stabbed the knife into my stomach...... but I never felt it.

My lips frowned as I slowly opened my eyes at the knife. The tip was so close to my stomach and yet not a single ounce of blood. So close to death and yet the blue barrier once again stops the knife from entering my body.

The sight angered me. Gritting my teeth, holding the knife desperately in my hands, I repeatedly continued to stab myself. Each getting hopelessly blocked by the blue barrier around me. Each barely touching my skin. Tears soon dripped down my eyes as I felt my weight drop to the floor.

Why... Why is it like this.... Kaede was the protagonist! Why did she have to die!? It should've been me.... I should've died..... Why can't I die?

Kaede was able to die so why.... can't I? Am I.... not even worthy of death? I just want this nightmare to end.... Is it because I need to kill someone?

Dammit..... why can't someone just kill me..... I just want..... this to end...... please....make it stop..... I can't take this anymore. Just let me die— "Yo Shuichi, mind if I borrow that knife?"