Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. three

Dreams of Eren, Mikasa and Armin infiltrated my mind last night. I would wake up from one, and go back to sleep just to be forced to live through another.

So, I stayed up all night. I hardly got any sleep, sleep that was much needed after everything yesterday. I'm truly exhausted right now.

I decided to skip breakfast and just rest in bed. It probably wasn't a good idea because I'm miserable now every time my stomach growls. I feel nauseated from no food.

But, I don't feel like facing anyone right now. I don't have the energy to deal with anything at this moment.

A knock suddenly came from my door, causing me to sigh.

"Come in!" I yelled.

Armin's blonde hair and blue eyes peeked in my room, and he finally walked in, closing the door. I sat up in bed, happy he was here.

"Armin," I exhaled with relief.

"Hi, Y/N," he smiled at me, sitting on the edge of my bed. I couldn't help but smile back at the fact he still felt comfortable enough to come inside and sit with me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I heard you got injured yesterday, so I looked for you during breakfast but no one had seen you," he frowned.

"I'm okay Armin. Thank you for checking on me. Who told you I got hurt?"

Armin looked away from me, and remained silent.

"Eren..?" I whispered.

Armin looked up at me, his blue eyes big. Finally, he slightly nodded.

"Why? He doesn't care about me anymore."

"It's not like that, Y/N!" Armin fully turned to me, silently begging me to hear him out.

"Then what is it, Armin? How can it not be like that? He left me. He doesn't even like it when you and Mikasa speak with me. He avoids me like the plague or something. With no explanation either! For years, I've had to watch you three from the sidelines when I used to be the one with you guys! Eren ruined that. He knew what he was doing." I spoke, my voice cracking.

Armin looked at me sympathetically. His eyes became glassy as he held eye contact with me, a broken expression on his face.

"I wish he handled things differently. I do, Y/N. But please, hear me out," he grabbed my hand tightly. "It isn't what you think. I know you're angry and you have all right to be. But he didn't do it for the reasons you think. I hope one day he'll come to you when he's ready, I hope he'll be honest with you. But he doesn't hate you, Y/N."

I remained silent. I heard his words, I did. And I had plenty of things to say, but nothing would come out. I was confused, nothing was adding up to me. My confusion soon turned into anger, and my hands balled into fists to keep me under control.

"Please leave, Armin." I whispered, not looking at him.

"Y/N, don't be mad at me. Please." he begged.

"I'm not mad," I shook my head. "Not at you. It's just too much right now. Please, Armin. Just go. I love you, but I need to be alone. I don't wanna blow up on you when you don't deserve it."

"I love you too, Y/N. I'll always be here. I'm sorry." he apologized, going to step out of my room.

"Armin," I called out to him. Before he could even turn around, I crossed the room and threw my arms around him. He hugged me back, and once I let go, he was gone... he was gone, and I was once again alone with my thoughts.

. . .

I skipped breakfast the last few days, but I finally went today. I was never a breakfast person to begin with. Eating first thing in the morning never went well for me.

I mostly went to be with my friends. Hell, I ended up giving most of my food to Sasha anyways.

Speaking of her -- she came to see me the few days I stayed in my room. Everyone was under the impression I was sick, so they made sure to give me my space.

Conny, Jean, Sasha, Armin, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, Hange, and Levi came to check on me. Levi seemed to be skeptical, and I know Hange flat out didn't believe me, but they said nothing about it.

Levi told me Erwin was sorry he couldn't check on me because of how busy he is. I didn't mind, honestly.

Jean and Conny tried too hard to make me laugh, and I enjoyed it. They always managed to put a smile on my face. Sasha of course had to tell me everything going on when she visited. Armin wouldn't stay too long because he knew what was wrong, but him making an effort made me happy.

I made sure to tell him I had no anger towards him. We even laughed a bit afterwards, and every other visit since then had went really well. Mikasa never stayed long either -- just long enough to make sure I was still breathing.

Eren never came.

I don't know why it hurt my feelings so much. I knew he wouldn't come. He had no reason to. But the moment he saved my life kept replaying in my head.

The expression on his face when he saw me was just... priceless. It looked like he actually cared, like he was concerned. It reminded me of every time he tried to save my ass when we were younger. It brought back so much. So many memories I can't seem to let go of.

"Hey, Y/N! You finally made it!" Conny yelled. Heads turned my way, and I shrugged with an embarrassed smile on my face.

"Yeah, yeah." I waved him off.

"Glad you're back, L/N." Reiner peered down at me, a smirk on his face. I playfully nudged him in return.

"There's my girl." Jean wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him. I giggled, wrapping my arms around him in a hug.

"Shut up horse face."

"Hey!" he scoffed, pushing me away. "You just got back and you're already being mean."

"And you're being a baby," I poked his cheek, and he swatted my hand away.

I glanced to my left, meeting Armin's blue eyes. He gave me a smile, and I smiled back. I knew he wouldn't walk up to me because he was with Eren, but I took no hard feelings from it.

Mikasa even nodded at me, and I nodded back. Eren, of course, was glaring at me. A flashback of Armin's words went through my mind, and I sighed.

Maybe I should listen to Armin. He probably knows more about Eren's behavior than I do for the past few years. Maybe if I gave up on trying to hate him so much, he'll come around. Instead of glaring back, I sigh and look away from him, tired of putting so much energy into a boy that used to be part of my whole world.

"Y/N," Levi called out to me. I turned towards him, giving him my attention.

"Captain." I responded.

"A word. Now, brat."

Oh God. What have I done now?