Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. twelve

I remained silent for a moment, stunned. His long brown hair created a frame around our faces as he stared down at me.

My chest was rising up and down quickly from my short breaths. Eren's eyes never traveled my face, he kept contact with my eyes the entire time. He opened his mouth, scrunching his brows as if he was troubled with something.

"Eren, what is it?" I said worriedly. No matter how he acts towards me, I'll always be worried about him. But is it worth it? Is it worth being so hung up on Eren (a guy that doesn't want me) when I could lose Jean (a guy that does want me) in the process?

"I... I could have died yesterday. And that got me thinking. I realized a lot while I was here alone after everything. And I should have done it sooner, but I wanted to finally tell you that I'm sorry." Eren breathed.

My heart dropped. Eren Jaeger was finally apologizing.

"Why did you do it?" I frowned.

"I have no good explanation. I was a kid, one who did stupid things. I'm sorry for it all. I know we're not friends anymore, but... I'm here if you need me."

I swallowed hard. My jaws were clenched as I looked down, avoiding his gaze. It hurt that he didn't even have a reason for what he did. He did it with no motive. I didn't do anything to make him hate me -- he did it on his own free will. I sat there clueless for years, over something that didn't have a reason. No matter what I could've done to change it, he would've done it anyways; because it wasn't me... it was him.

"Y/N?" Eren grabbed my arm. "You look upset, did I say something wrong? Should I not have apologized?"

"No, Eren," I sighed, looking back up at him. "Thank you for apologizing. It just shocked me is all."

"You're okay?"

"I'm okay," I smiled, grabbing the bandages. "Thank you again. I have to go now."

Eren backed away from me, "Oh, right. My apologies."

I gave him a curt nod, and felt his eyes on me as I left the room.

. . .

I don't know what to do.

I appreciated Eren's apology, I did. And I wish nothing but to become close with him again. But I don't think I can do that knowing there was no good reason for the way he treated me. I respect myself too much to let someone like that come back into my life so easily.

And Jean. He deserves more than I can give him, but it isn't worth letting him go over Eren. 

"Y/N!" Hange yelped when I entered the office.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly, handing her the bandages.

"What took so long?"

"Couldn't reach them," I chuckled.

"You silly girl," Hange smiled at me, shooing me out of the office.

. . .

"Reiner is throwing a get together later tonight, who's going?" Conny asked as he sat at the table for lunch.

"Yeah why not, we haven't had much to do the past few days anyways," Ymir shrugged, Historia nodding.

"I don't know, Eren-,"

"We're going." Armin stated, interrupting Mikasa. She closed her mouth tightly, looking away from his blue eyes.

Eren's seat was empty, and I looked away before I could wonder where he was at.

"We'll go!" Sasha leaned against me, resting her head on mine. I giggled, nodding.

"Sure." Jean shrugged.

"Go where?" someone asked. We all turned to see Eren, hands in his pockets as he gazed at all of us. His hair was back in a bun, the same sage green shirt he's always loved.

"Reiner's get together." Conny answered. Eren raised is brows and looked directly at me.

"Are you going?" he nodded to me.

"Um, yeah?" I said questioningly.

Eren sat down in his seat and looked away from me, "I'm going then."

My eyes got wide, and my mouth fell open. Sasha put her fingers under my chin and lifted up, shutting my mouth. I looked away from him awkwardly.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?

I glanced over at Jean, who was glaring daggers at Eren, his jaw ticking. Everyone was surprised, sitting in silence. No one knew what to think of it.

Y/N and Eren? Talking? Eren purposefully going to the same party as me? It was unheard of. Every single person knew we hated each other.

Mikasa was staring at me, but I avoided her gaze. Armin had a hand over his mouth. Sasha was stuffing her mouth to keep quiet, and Conny was confused. Ymir and Historia were looking at each other suspiciously, and Bertholdt flat out was ignoring us. Marco brows were up to his forehead.

And Eren began eating as if nothing happened.

. . .

"Can we address the elephant in the room?" Sasha asked.

"Mhm!" Conny nodded, instantly knowing what Sasha was inferring to. Jean didn't respond.

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb. It was just us four hanging out in Sasha's room before we all headed to Reiner's get together.

"What Eren said, dumbass." Conny insulted.

I rolled my eyes, groaning. "I'm not talking about that."

Jean crossed his arms. "Why not?"

"Because it doesn't matter," I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Are you guys friends now or something?" Sasha hopped on her bed.

"No," I shook my head. "I don't think. He just... apologized for how mean he's been to me."

"Tell me exactly what he said!" Sasha gasped.

I groaned, running my hand over my face. "No Sasha can we please drop it?"

"No! This could literally be an enemies to lovers type of thing. I'm rooting for it."

My eyes quickly looked over to see Jean's reaction. He was fuming, with his brows furrowed and his fists tight. Then he stood up and walked out, slamming Sasha's door.

"What's his problem?" Conny plopped beside Sasha carelessly.

"You know he doesn't like Eren..." I sighed, following him out the door. I found him leaning against a wall, his head in his hands.

"Jean," I called out to him. He stiffened, but didn't make a move. "Can we seriously talk about this?"

He turned to me, his eyes blazing. "What's there to talk about?"

"Are you serious?" I frowned.

"I'm allowed to be upset by this, Y/N."

"Yeah, you are. And I'm sorry for the way I treated you. Okay? You didn't deserve it. You deserve so much more than I've given you. I didn't realize how poorly I treated you back then but I see it now. I shouldn't have been on and off with you, especially without giving you a reason. And us having no strings didn't justify that. I can't help that Eren and I have a past, and that he just so happens to be the guy you don't like. I don't wanna lose you over this. I don't."

Jean's anger seemed to slowly decrease the more I spoke. He looked away from me, unsurely. I grabbed his hand tightly, and he looked back over to me.

"I don't want to lose you, Jean. I just need to figure some things out. But whatever happens, I at least want your friendship."

Jean's eyes softened as he looked at me, his hazel eyes clouded. He leaned down, kissing my forehead, and straighted up. "I can't give you an answer you're looking for right now, Y/N," he whispered, letting go of my hand.

He walked away, a piece of my heart going with him.