Eren's Tainted Rose

ch. eighteen

I quickly decided to go to my room and grab the notebook filled with letters I had written.

It's so weird that we both chose to write letters in a way to pretend to communicate with one another. Eren and I had pieces of each other inside of us. I'm a part of him, and he is a part of me.

I took a deep breath, ignoring the nervousness eating at me. My heart was in my stomach as I searched for him.

Not in his room.

Not in the kitchen.

Not in the halls.

I went outside, going to the training grounds. That's where I heard Mikasa, a sternness evident in her voice -- probably directed towards Eren. I finally saw them together, seeming to be taking a break. I'll talk to him directly after this, then.

I turned away, tucking the notebook under my shirt and began walking.

"Y/N!"

I paused, twisting slightly to see Eren staring at me. He then stuck up his index finger to Mikasa, running towards me. I swallowed hard, looking up into his green eyes as he stopped in front of me. Beads of sweat were dripping down his face, his breaths uneven. 

"Do you need me? Do we need to talk?" he lifted his brows as he spoke. I nodded, deciding I didn't want to wait. I want to talk to him now, no interruptions, no time for me to change my mind.

Eren spun to face Mikasa, "I'll catch you later, okay?" he then grabbed my hand, walking me back inside without waiting for a response.

"Thank you for coming. I wasn't sure if you would or not," he gave me a grateful glance.

"Of course I would, Eren," I squeezed his hand. I saw the corner of his mouth slightly lift as he hid a grin.

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower first?" Eren asked as he opened his door.

"Go ahead." I gave him a curt nod.

He grabbed some clothes, "Sit anywhere. It'll be quick."

I awkwardly sat down on the edge of his bed, and that's when he narrowed his eyes at me. "What is that?"

I looked down to see the notebook sticking out of my shirt. "Oh, um, I'll just show you when you're done."

Eren looked at me a second longer before shutting the bathroom door. I heard the water cut on, and I exhaled. I laid back on his bed, my nervousness still eating at me.

Finally, I was about to fix things with Eren. After all these years and avoided conversations, I'd finally be able to be open with him. He knows that I know he loves me, but he doesn't know I love him. I'm going to tell him exactly that too. I'm not going to rely on this notebook to tell him everything. No, I'm choosing to say it all to his face, and then give him the notebook so he'll always know.

I know he's going to return the feelings, but admitting you're in love with someone is always a scary thing.

The water cut off, and in no time, Eren was back in the room and fully clothed. His hair was damp, not even in a bun. He sat down beside me, and I got a whiff of vanilla. His green eyes were piercing into mine.

"I'm assuming you read the last letter, yes?" he asked.

I nodded, "Yes."

Eren inhaled deeply, allowing the air to rush out of him before speaking again. "I'm sure you have things to say too. Do you want to go first, or...?"

"You can go ahead, Eren," I smiled softly. He nodded, running a hand over his face as he looked away from me for a moment.

I put my hand over his, "It's okay. Say whatever you have to say."