Chp.25 The Girl with hate in her heart

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         I couldn't stay in this empty house anymore

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         I couldn't stay in this empty house anymore. Ever since Allison and I laid down on the couch there were eyes on us at all times. That's why after an hour of not being able to sleep I shifted out from under Allison's arms and patted her head before going to my room getting dressed and covering up any signs I had been crying with makeup. My dad had told me  it was Derek who bit  her so that's who I was going to. A couple minutes later I was entering the empty railroad where Derek and his pack were staying. It was obvious when I got there that Erica and Boyd were out and I didn't see Isaac but I'm sure he was there. Derek saw me and his eyes softened a little with sympathy. He didn't even like her how could he sympathize with me.                                  "Amara," He said softly stepping towards me hesitantly like he was scared I would lash out. Like he cared he was a werewolf he could easily hurt me if I did what was he scared of?                            "You killed my mother," I told him simply tears threating to fall again but I didn't want to cry anymore so I didn't let them fall. He shook his head.                                                                                             "Your family's honor code killed your mother," He argued.                                                                      "Yeah but you bit her, knowing that. I just want to know why." I stepped closer and he stepped back there was a desperate edge to my voice.                                   "Amara, You don't understand," Derek tried and anger filled me.                                                                     "I don't understand, what do I not understand, Derek? You killed my mother!" I shouted stepping closer and he grabbed my arms so I didn't hurt him, "You killed her!" He shook his head, "No Amara, Calm Down." I shook my head harshly the tears I tried so hard to stop falling again. "It's your fault! You killed her, It's your fault, Derek," I started to hit his chest angrily. We both knew I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself, "You killed her, We killed her, Fight Back!" I yelled at him and he just held onto my arms as I hit him.                                                                 
        "I killed her," I sobbed, "It's my fault." I sagged against his chest my anger fading and he caught me hesitantly. Derek sighed as I cried anger, guilt and sadness building in me and tearing me apart. It was all so tiring. Isaac walked out having heard all the yelling. He must have seen Derek's distress because he pulled me off of Derek letting me cry on him muttering things in between, "I hate her", "it's my fault" and more. He patted my back gently and it was obvious he hadn't comforted someone like this before. When I calmed down I wiped at my eyes angrily and started apologizing profusely.                                                                                                                              "I'm sorry, you guys hated her. Hell, I hated her. She was a terrible person and mother, there's no reason for me to cry over her, I'm so so sorry," I apologized and Isaac chuckled stopping me.                                                       
                                                                                                                "Your allowed to have sadness over her death, She was still your mother and at some point in your life, You loved her. Your allowed to grieve for her death and to grieve for the part of you that loved her. I miss my dad, The dad I knew before all that happened but I hated him for what he did," Isaac explained and I smiled a little.                                                                                                                        "Thanks, Is. Your not the worst at comforting," I told him and he laughed.                                                  "Your welcome, I guess," He responded slightly confused, "Do you want me to call Lydia or Allison?"                                                                                                                                                                                                "No, No. Allie's sleeping and Lydia is dealing with all of her own stuff," I answered shaking my head.                                                                                                                                                                                              "Okay, Well, I'm at least taking you home," Isaac told me and I agreed reluctantly. I probably wasn't fit to drive anyways.                                                                                                                                                         I sat in the passenger seat my head on the window while Isaac sang along to "How you get the Girl" by Taylor Swift having connected my phone to the car.                                                                              "Come on! Sing with me," Isaac begged and I shook my head laughing a little bit. He was like a little brother and a big brother at the same time and it was almost funny how much him and Stiles acted like my brothers. I sang softly until Stiles's ringtone started to ring and I answered it keeping my phone connected.                                                                                                                                                "Amara, I'm so sor-" He started but I cut him off not having the patience for sympathy.                       "Don't act like you give a damn that she's dead, she was fucking monster," I told him, ignoring Isaac's shocked look as I continued, "You called me for a reason, What do you need?"                             "Can you come over? We think Matt is controlling the kanima and we're trying to convince my dad to help us find evidence against him," Stiles explained shortly and I snorted.                                       "Of course, It's that creep. Yeah I'm on my way," I told him.                                                                               "I truly am sorry, Amara. No one deserves to lose their mom," Stiles confessed before hanging up and I sighed I knew I shouldn't have snapped at him, he was just trying to be nice but I had always been like this. When I went through something traumatic, like my aunt on my mom's side's death when I was 11, I had the tendency to get angry at others "i'm sorrys" or such I would snap on people. I usually would apologize if they deserved an apology but it was a problem I knew I needed to work through since in the world I live in people die everyday. While I was thinking Isaac had hijacked my phone already switching the directions to Stiles's address. I didn't realize until it was too late that he was calling Lydia for me.                                                                           "Hey," Lydia's angelic voice rang through the car, "Is everything okay?"                                                        "Uh, Yeah. Is everything okay with you?" I answered and she laughed without humor.                         "Well other than feeling like I'm going crazy, Sure," Was her response.                                                        "I'm sorry."                                                                                                                                                                                 "It's not your fault," Lydia told me before changing the subject, "Any reason you called or just happy to talk to me?" She asked with a small giggle and I was glad she wasn't completely falling apart. I could kill Peter for what he did to her.                                                                                                                "My friend decided to call you, but always happy to hear your voice, Lyds," I joked and I could practically see her smile from the other end. I loved that she didn't say she was sorry about my mom even though I knew she knew, she just acted like things were normal.                                                   "What friend?" she questioned and I rolled my eyes at her excitement.                                                       "Isaac Lahey."                                                                                                                                                                           "Hi, Lydia," Isaac cut in amusement filling his tone. He had been awfully quiet since he called Lydia and I wasn't sure why since he had a big mouth. Lydia went silent and I could feel the shift in her mood.                                                                                                                                                                                  "I'm sorry," She finally spoke and I looked to Isaac confused, "I was terrible to you, Isaac. I was terrible to everyone and I'm sorry. Sorry I'm such a bitch."                                                                                   "Don't be," Isaac responded a laugh in his response, "You have a fire, in you that I have always admired. Never change, Lydia Martin, Never change." She laughed.                                                                 "I'll take that as a compliment, but I should go. Bye Isaac, Bye my love," She joked as she said goodbye and a smile flashed across my face.                                                                                                               "Bye, Princess." Se hung up and Isaac dropped me off at Stiles's house giving me a quick hug before mocking mine and Lydia's exchange and leaving.

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