Cold Fame || ENHA

1. Mistake

September 18th, 2020

It's been a hard few months in I-land. Especially being the only girl. I was isolated from everyone. They had given me my own bathroom and room. Practice was always awkward. Dinner was loud but silent.

Maybe it was because I dont talk. Due to personal reasons I never talked, but I did know sign language and when I was needed to "talk" there was a staff who knew sign language and spoke for me.

The judges werent too happy with my silence. It's not my fault though. The result of my silence made everybody practically ignore me outside practice. Even then nobody spoke to me much unless it was to correct something.

Especially Heeseung. He corrected me the most. The thing was, I was a great dancer. Some of the I-landers like Jake, Youngbin, and Geonu had all said I was an ace. I only used my voice when singing.

They said it was siren like. Meh. I guess so. Like I said, I danced fine but there was an issue with my shoulders. When I get uncomfortable or snapped at, they tend to tense and stiffen. That's why Heeseung and K constantly corrected it.

I wish I could tell them why so I didnt get yelled at. It made me feel helpless a few times. Hopeless even. The announcements for the ones to debut have been announced.

I made it. Apperantly, globally, people liked me and my talents. I placed #2nd. Now me, Heeseung, Jay, Jake, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon and Niki are going to debut. I wish I could say it was nice to know everyone on I-land but I'd be lieing.

I hardly knew any of them. The only two that ever tried to make me feel apart of things was Jay and Sunoo. Otherwise I was avoided. When my name was called for the final line up all the weight on my shoulders lifted. I even teared up.

I was especially nervous knowing BTS themselves were watching. But I noticed, everytime someone got called, the others beside them hugged them. Why didnt anyone hug me? Oh right. Most I got was a "good job" and a pat on the back.

It hurt but oh well. Now Jungwon had been announced as #1. All the other I-landers had jumped up after it ended and went to hug the other winners. I watched them all with a bitter smile. Had I only been glanced at a few times but never hugged.

I expected that. I was fine with it until I wasnt. The tears stung my eyes too much. I felt like shit. I quickly went and hid behind a pillar out if view while nobody was looking. I put a hand over my heart as a sat on the floor.

I was feeling like too many different emotions. I felt faint. I leaned against the pillar and breathed heavily, trying to keep my cool and compose myself again. But it was hard. There was a set of double doors about 20ft away that lead to makeup and dressing rooms.

Coming out of those doors was BTS. My stomach churned. I couldnt face them. Especially not in this state. If the other I-landers didnt notice my absence then neither would them. That's what I hoped.

After BTS had congratulated all the winners and praised the ones that had made it far, then Hoseok had suddenly asked something that I didnt want to hear. "Oh wait...where's Jeongmi?"

I felt my heart drop. I slightly glanced out from the pillar to see everyone suddenly looking around and mumbling in confusion. "I think I saw her walk over there." Youngbin stated, pointing at the pillar I was sitting behind.

I quickly ducked back into cover and felt fear overcome me. I wasnt ready to face them or BTS. Not like this at least. Then I heard footsteps approaching the pillar. I bounced onto my feet and poked my head around to greet Hoseok and Taehyung.

"Hey, what are you doing back here?" Taehyung asked in a joking tone. Everyone behind them had let out small laughs as they found the situation rather funny. I wish I did to.