Cold Fame || ENHA

29. Understanding

January 1st, 2021

I ignored the knocks on the door, continuing to sob into my hands. "Jeongmi open the door please." It was Jay's comforting voice. I, again, ignored him.

The knocks grew more frantic and agitated. "Open the door, I'm worried about what your doing." He called through. My cries grew quiet, I longingly stared at the door.

I wanted to open it but I couldnt. My body wouldnt allow me to. I was frozen by the island. I sunk to the floor and leaned against the cold wood of the island.

I shivered but I didnt care. My phone yet again is buzzing with text messages but I knew that if I looked at them I would end up opening the door. I was drunk, covered in tears, confused, angry, depressed, and helplessly lost in myself.

I could never let anyone see me like this. Not again. I need to protect myself more than ever and I need to keep my guard strong. My shame only made me cry more but audibly.

I had thought Jay walked away by now but no. He began to knock again. "I can hear you Jeongmi please just open the door." He sounded like he was about to cry. I heard a second voice say something before my code started to get typed in.

It was Heeseung since he was the only one that knew the code to my door. I immediately began to scramble to the bathroom but I was too slow. Just before I reached it, Heeseung, Jay, and Sunoo came busting in my room.

Heeseung grabbed me immediately and stopped me from getting to the bathroom. I didnt want him around me and I couldnt stand his presence.

I shoved him off of me, avoiding eye contact, and slipped into the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and locked it. They were quick to start banging on the door.

I began to panic, my eyes widening as it...reminded me of things. Things I didnt need to be reminded of right now. In my panicked state I fell back and landed on my bum.

"Jeongmi open the damn door! This is ridiculous!" Heeseung snapped from outside the door. "Heeseung stop it! Shes obviously scared and not in a good mood!" Sunoo scolded angrily.

I only kept crying, covering my ears and begging for it to all stop. I huddled my body close to myself. I gripped my hair tightly, feeling my muscles tense in fear as adrenaline coursed through me.

My hand moved to my thighs as I kept the same tight grip, my nails digging into my skin. I heard rustling outside and in the door handle. I was too scared to look.

My body was now trembling and trying to process what's happening. I'm having a panic attack, my chest is heavy and I feel insanely overwhelmed by everything going on. I'm so scared and I just want to leave.

If only Haena was here, shes the only person that's ever seen me like this. Even she would try to help and calm me down. They are only making it worse. All of a sudden the door flew open. They somehow unlocked it with a spoon.

Heeseung was first through the door with the other two right behind him. I flew back and hit the tub as I was most scared of Heeseung. I was preparing for him to hit me.

Just by the way he sounded earlier and grabbed me I just know hes going to hit me. Instead, he grabbed my arm firmly but not aggressively and pulled me towards him.

I tried to resist but he wouldnt let me slip away. "Shhh Jeongmi please calm down." Jay was trying to get me to calm down as well as Sunoo. Heeseung was staring and looking concerned.

Jay wrapped me in his arms as if shielding me from any negativity. I somehow muttered words underneath the pool of tears I created. "I'm scared." I said. I'm not sure how or why I said anything but I was too terrified to control myself and what I said.