Cold Fame || ENHA

5. Concious

September 20th, 2020

Today was my free day and it's already started off bad. I'd obviously woken up really early to a devastating text from my sister. Dabin's didnt phase me so much. Yet I've stayed up a few hours just pondering about a lot of things.

It's about 1pm now. I feel really sad. Maybe I should grab a small drink. The legal drinking age is 19 so I'll be fine. But I didnt want to leave my house. I guess I'll have to go to the convenience store just down the rode.

Not as far as the supermarket but a good walking distance to get some steps in. I reluctantly got up and slipped some new clothes over my body. I prushed my tangled hair and sat at my vanity, staring at myself.

I looked odd. I didnt like how I looked. Then again I never did. I hesitantly began to powder some light makeup on my face. Next I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, avoiding looking in the mirror.

I never liked the stranger looking back. She was someone I was scared of. Ironically, I dont think she liked who she was staring at too. Rivals in one conciousness. I bet that's confusing to those who dont understand what it's like.

However I'm sure most get it. I finsihed brushing my teeth and stepping up the stairs leading to my now messed up bed. I snatched my phone from the charger and my wallet. Then I hopped down.

I slipped on my shoes and was just about to head out of my door before I heard my teammates door open. I heard a bit of chatter as they went down the all. I think it was all if them?

"Dont you think we should invite her? If she finds out we went without her she would be hurt." I heard Sunoo say. "Invite her just so we can all awkwardly sit in her silence? Yeah no." I heard Sunghoon responded with a snarky tone.

My heart began to hurt. Ouch. Then did I exit my room. Let him know that I heard him so he feels bad. I like making people feel bad for being asses. Everyone froze in there tracks as they heard my door open and watched me walk out.

I blinked a few times with my normal blank expression. "Oh...Jeongmi." Jake shakily said aloud. I have a pitiful smile before simply walking past them and into the elevator. They all followed into the elevator and remained silent.

I squished into the corner next to Sunoo and Jungwon. I felt Sunoo lean close to my ear and then he whispered, "I'm sorry if you heard that." I looked at him and shrugged before looking down at my feet.

The air was dense and suffocating. I felt my throat close. Now I for sure could use that drink. When the elevator opened on the first floor I could feel the air escaping it. Everyone piled out and the moment I stepped out I began to speed walk away.

"Jeongmi wait!" Jay called out from behind me. I snapped around and stood, waiting for someone to speak. I was more of waiting for an apology but I dont expect those anymore.

"Do you want to come eat with us?" Jay inquired. I saw disappointment pass in Sunghoon and Heeseung's eyes. I'd rather them feel comfortable. I myself wouldnt feel comfortable eating with anyone, especially them.

I frowned and shook my head. Jay echoed my frown. "But-" He was about to speak but I felt tears in my eyes. Oh no. I spun around and began to walk at a fast pace once more. It is what it is.

They dont like me. I dont like me either. Maybe that's why it hurt so much. Because my feelings of hatred toward myself is shared with others. They hate me too. All because I dont talk. They dont even know why. They dont know my situation.

Yet they hate me because I dont talk. It's not like they try to communicate either. It's not one sided. My eyes stung with salty tears but I held them in as I walked past blurry-faced strangers.