Cold Fame || ENHA

18. Why?

November 3rd, 2020

I sat on the arm of the couch, trying to avoid Heeseung. "Are you that mad? I was just asking a question." Heeseung whined, standing next to me. I ignored him, staring at the window.

A headache grew, causing me more frustration. The tears in my eyes were getting harder to contain. I hate crying when I'm angry. I hate being angry. I hate that Heeseung purposely makes me angry just to get a reaction out of me.

I hate the way he finds it funny when I'm in a bad mood. I hate how he always has something to say. I hate this side of him. Yet I'm infatuated with the him that's so caring.

He may be stern still but deep down hes a caring and soft-hearted guy. Like at the cafe when he was so nice since he didnt know it was me. Why does he hate me? What about me does he hate?

My silence? But that makes no sense. What did I do? Heeseung, please tell me. It's making me sad yknow. I dont like being sad, nobody does. Your hatred is the last thing I need in this life.

I need the you that's caring. I need people like Jay and Sunoo. Not people that hate me for simply existing. The more I let my mind wonder the more the tears edged against my sockets.

Before I knew it one slipped but I wiped it before Heeseung saw. My vision was blurry as a lump was forming in my throat. I think Heeseung started to notice my sour feelings.

He leaned to the side so he was able to see my face. I tried to turn away but he grabbed my jaw. It startled me making my eyes widen as I uncrossed my arms.

The smirk fell from his face as he took notice of the tears in my now glossy eyes. His lips fell into a small frown. I jerked my face out of his grip and turned away.

"Jeongmi..." He whispered but his sentence trailed off. I kept my face turned away from him but I was listening in case he said something. I heard him take a deep breath.

"I didnt mean to make you sad." Was all he said. I turned and looked at him. He of course was already staring back. I gave him a small glare before turning away again.

"Jeongmi seriously? I-" I cut him off by putting a hand up then I grabbed my phone and began to type words. "You're hurting my feelings just to get a reaction out of me because you find it fun. Just admit it. You hurt me for your own pleasure." Then I let him read it.

His face turned to shock. Once he looked back up at my I turned my phone off. I stared him deep in his eyes, waiting for his response. "That's not true." He answered breathlessly.

I turned my phone right back on and began to type my response. "Then why constantly come into MY dorm and start snapping at me then smirk and giggle once I'm mad because you yell at me for no reason? If it's not true then fix your behaviors and show me it isnt true." I nearly smiled at my own words and showed him.

He went really quiet for a long few minutes. I turned my phone off and dropped it onto the couch, waiting for him to talk. Heeseung finally collected himself and responded.

"I mostly snap at you because of your damn drinking problem and your shoulders when dancing. It's me trying to stop you from messing up again constantly, not me trying to get a reaction. As for just then...well..."

He fell silent again, scratching the back of his neck. He broke eye contact and looked towards the window. "I guess that was for a reaction." He finally admitted. For the first part of his answer, whatever thanks I guess but for that part...I knew it.

I shrugged as if to ask why. He looked back at me. He shrugged back. I rolled my eyes and got up. I grabbed my phone and walked into the kitchen, sitting at an island chair.