Cold Fame || ENHA

30. Enough

January 12th, 2021

Before I knew it, Heeseung began to talk again. "I know I keep saying sorry and then going on to screw it all up again. I still may not understand why you are the way you are but I cant be mad anymore for not understanding it. I know you dont want to, but when you're ready it's ok to talk to me. I want protect you Jeongmi." Heeseung told.

I was not ready for all of these confessions, but either way it really cheered me up. I remember thinking that he cared but was trying to hide it. I was right.

To keep him from saying more, I ran into his arms for a big hug. "Is this you accepting my apology?" He asked, smiling. I backed out of the hug and shrugged. Not fully but I'm also not sure.

Honestly looking back on it, I think Heeseung had always wanted to protect me. At Jeju he constantly came looking for me before Jay, always went with me to the bar if he heard me leave, wanted to protect me against Dongyul (even though he didnt have to), Haena and Dabin.

He would always care for me if I was too drunk, comforted me if I was crying (most the time), and even nearly fought Xiao Jun. I think he was more jealous of Xiao Jun honestly.

I get why he yells at me so much it's just scary sometimes. The anger came from lack of understanding. He couldnt understand why I kept damaging myself and it frustrated him because he just wanted me to stop.

He just wants me safe. I hugged him again but tighter. Nobody has ever cared for me like he has. "I regret every mean thing I've ever said to you Jeongmi." Heeseung whispered in my ear.

I just held onto him, not wanting to let go. Usually, I would probably never talk to someone again if they've done a half of the shitty things Heeseung has done but I think I'm attached.

I really like him. Sometimes I wish I didnt but I do. We are idols and a relationship wouldnt work well since we are almost always in a work setting.

It's hard to come to terms with that. Heeseung abruptly picked me up and brought me to the couch, gently setting me down. He then sat beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"There is one thing I also dont understand Jeongmi. The thing about your shoulders. Why do the tense all the time?" Heeseung asked, turning his head towards me.

I got up and grabbed my phone off the island then sat back down beside Heeseung, beginning to type. "It just happens when I'm uncomfortable. When dancing around others I just get uncomfortable a lot, same when singing." Then I showed him.

"I thought so but I didnt want to assume." Heeseung replied with a small grin. I scoffed and just rested my head on his shoulder. If we give it more time then maybe I'll forgive him.

January 19th, 2021

Work related, we've been doing a lot of things to prepare for our next comeback. I'm not sure why we are already starting shoots so earlier if our comeback isnt until April but its whatever.

Me and Heeseung have been hanging out a bit more but yesterday he seemed a bit off. I'm not sure why but he seemed uncomfortable and I havent heard from him since.

I think I should have figured that he would do something even after the big apology. Until he gives me a good reason to actually cut him off then I'll just try not to think about it.

Anyway, on Weverse I have been posting more than I usually do. Though I've seen a surge of hate. They keep talking about something that I've never done.

Bullying. I've done more search into what they are talking about. The original scandal was started by someone with the name of Dabin. Oh boy, I wonder who that could be.