I Love You Just the Way You Are (Book 1- Rock Canyon Series)

Chapter 20 - Kellan

Chapter 20 – Kellan

Everyone was silent at the table. Even Ryan was quiet, picking up on the tenseness of his parents.

I'm quiet for probably no longer than a minute, but it feels like an eternity. I can't make my mind up what I want to say. A part of me just wants to make a throwaway statement, just get this out of the way and keep the game going. But another part of me wants to go all-in and pour my heart out.

As soon as I think about pouring my heart out I know that's what I'm going to do. I can't half-ass things with Maddie. The intensity of my feelings is far beyond that.

So, screw it. I decided that I'm making a stand. I'm putting the ball in the air; that's what I do best. I figured I'm about as far away from the endzone as I can be. I've got nowhere to go but closer.

I turned my body to face her and spoke slowly and gently. I wanted to make sure she took in every word, straight from my soul.

"Maddie, I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. When you smiled at me the other day in the parking lot, even though it wasn't a happy smile, my whole world just stopped. It was the first time I saw you smile. I'd love to see it again. The way your eyes glowed - it took me to places inside of myself that I didn't know existed.

"And I just want you to know that I think you're awesome. And brave. A true fighter. I respect you for sticking it out in school, refusing to back down. It's incredibly attractive. I just... I just want you to know that someone notices you for who you really are. The amazing girl that's underneath-"

Maddie's head swung up and I flinched backwards at the sight of her gritted teeth.

"Underneath of WHAT, Kellan? This male body?"

I crumbled, feeling the tears forming in my eyes. I'm back in a dream I had a few weeks ago. In the dream, Maddie kept slashing me into a thousand pieces with a giant sword and then magically putting me back together, only to do it all over again. At least in the dream, I was able to hear her angelic laughter as she taunted me.

"That's not what I was going to say. I was going to say underneath of all that armor you put on to protect yourself. The amazing girl underneath of that."

Maddie brought her fists up to her face and I braced to be punched, knowing I'm not going to block her.

If this is what it takes for you to touch me, go ahead. Give me your best.

"Why do you insist on pursuing me? Why do you feel this way about me? WHY?" she shouted.

I held her gaze, searching for any sign that she didn't completely and utterly hate me. I found none.

"Why do you insist on being so cruel to me?" I whispered.

Her mouth dropped open and her body sagged back into the chair. Her fists fell to her sides. I could see the tears streaming down her face and it took literally everything I had to keep from dropping to one knee and wiping them off her face.

It's okay, just let me in. Just let me be your friend.

I was about to reach out to her, to hold her hand in mine, but the next thing I knew she was a blur of motion. She flew out of her chair and bounded up the stairs.

I sat there staring at her empty chair, for what felt like an agonizingly long time. I kept playing the scene over and over in my head, wondering where I went wrong.

I felt a lot like I did last year when I threw my only interception of the season. I analyzed it over and over again for five days straight, until I knew exactly what I had done wrong. That was just a simple football play. I had no idea if I'd ever know what I was doing wrong with Maddie.