Through Trials and Tribulations

11

Lylah W.

I wake up with a pounding headache and groan. Yeah I'm never getting drunk again

I get out of bed and see that Mateo is still sleep. I don't remember what all happened last night but I do know I got upset

I take some aspirin from my bathroom cabinet and take it with water

I look a fuck mess. My mascara is smudge all around my eyes and my hair is everywhere

I need to shower

I turn on the hot water before stripping my clothes off and get in

The first thing I do is put my head under the water feeling the hot water run through my curls

I grab shampoo and pour some over the top of my head

I wash my hair twice with the shampoo before washing it with conditioner. It's making my headache disappear

As I'm rinsing the soap off my body from washing up, I hear the shower curtain open

I open my eyes and see Mateo standing there. His eyes are red like he hasn't slept all night and he has bags under his eyes

"We need to talk" he says walking towards me until he's right infront of me

"Kinda a awkward time to talk" I laugh

He doesn't

"Do you really think youre not enough for me? That my family moved because we're sorry for you? That I want to leave you because I got bored after sex?" He say angrily and a little hurt

"Wh-" he cuts me off "You said that last night"

Oh shit

"I don't wanna do this" I say stepping back

"We're gonna do this Lylah" I shake my head

I'm not gonna express my feelings to him right now. I can't

If I do he's gonna realize I have too much problems and won't wanna be with me

"Lylah you can't keep your feelings inside" I shake my head again

"Mateo stop, please" I ask before I have a whole breakdown

He studies my faces and sighs "Lylah we won't go anywhere if you keep your true feelings in hidden"

"I can't Mateo" I say stepping out the shower

I wrap my towel around me and walk into my closet

It's not that I don't want to, well I don't, but I just don't know how to express my feelings to him

It's hard. I only ever talked to my parents about how I felt and I can't do that anymore because my moms dead and my dad doesn't want me to see him because of his state

It's too much. Everything is and I don't know how much I can take.

Sometimes I wish I can just go to sleep and not wake up

Mateo doesn't know I'm on antidepressants and that in a week I have to be on mood stabilizers

And I don't know how he's gonna react when I tell him because who wants to be with a girl who pops pills just so she can be happy

Thinking about all of this makes me want to cry

I take deep breaths so tears won't fall. My therapist taught me that before I stopped going after 2 weeks

I get dressed and walk out of my closet Mateo is sitting on the side of my bed with just jogging pants on and his hair is wet

"Lylah we won't get anywhere if you don't tell me whats wrong with you" I walk over there and sit at the end of my bed