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CHAPTER SIXTEEN. narrative
The two of us made our way to the campus gym and not a lot of words were shared, I think Cait is still a little embarrassed about the "love" slip up.
We just walk side by side inside, no hand holding or arms around the other. I understand it, neither of us are out about our sexualities. As long as we're close and comfortable, we're okay.
"I'm gonna go do some squats, you feel free to do whatever." She says, sounding flat.
I nod, not liking the way her tone sounds, but I don't push any questions. I'll just let her do what she needs to do. I make my way over to the treadmill and decide that I am going to do about a little bit on the machine just to blow off steam.
I walk the whole time with my earbuds in, Taylor Swift playing from my phone. I've always hated going to the gym. I don't like knowing that people are looking at me and my social anxiety skyrockets at the gym. I keep my head down mostly as I walk, only lifting it to take in my surroundings for a few seconds.
I want to be with Caitlin. She's the whole reason I came, but now she's being distant. I understand it's because of the slip up, but we've said "I love you" to each other before. I guess it was just different now that we both knew it wasn't platonic. It hurt me to know that Caitlin was beating herself up about it. I didn't want her to do that. She didn't need to.
I check the time and it's nearly one. I don't know how long Caitlin's planning on staying, but I don't worry too much about it.
I wrap up my workout and make my way to the front door. When I almost reach it, I stop myself, walking back over to find Caitlin. I have to wait on her to be done and I want to talk to her about the slip up if she'll listen.
I make it to the weight rack and see that she was looking around for me. Once she spots me, she immediately makes her way over to me.
"Where were you?" She asks with a smirk on her face.
"Treadmill and I walked to the front," I tell her, "then I came back to find you."
I could sense she felt bad for earlier, "Hey, I'm sorry."
"Cait, there's no need to apologize," I reassure, a small smile on my lips.
"I fucked it all up..."she says, avoiding my eyes for a bit before finally looking at me.
I just want to pull her in close, hold her until there's not a worry in her mind, but we're in public and I can't do that, "What makes you say that, love?" I question, the term of endearment slipping out before I can stop it.
She shakes her head, "I told you I loved you, I rushed it, it just fell from my lips and I couldn't stop it."
"Caitlin," I say gently, resisting the urge to move the strand of hair that has fallen from her ponytail, "You didn't fuck anything up."
