The Offering

Chapter Thirty Nine - Daella

The sun is warm, the light streaming through the window is bright and fills every space. I can see the green in the distance through the window, I try not to focus on any one thing, just letting my eyes stare ahead. It is easier than seeing something for what it truly is. This way I can just sort of float, embraced by the warm summer sunlight, surrounded by the familiar sound of the chosen talking quietly amongst themselves.

"Hello? Daella?" I blink, hearing my name and look up and around to find Fynley waving at me with a concerned expression.

"Sorry, did you say something?" I ask, sitting up in my seat near the windows.

"I've been calling your name for like a minute, you looked like you were in another world." She smiles, sitting in the chair near mine.

I force a smile. "Sorry, I must have been day dreaming." I shake my head, smoothing down the skirt of my dress, the rose pink fabric bright and warm from the summer sun shining through the large windows.

"You have seemed a little off recently, you've also been spending a lot more time with the other chosen. Any particular reason?" She asks resting her chin on her hand as she leans on the arm of the chair.

I shake my head quickly. "I guess I have just been thinking about the selection." I force another smile, looking away from her nervously.

"Hmm," She nods and looks out towards the windows, her golden curls loose around her shoulders as she sits and stares. You can see the gardens down below and the woods off in the distance, it's beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time. "It's strange to think we have been here for so long, that soon all of this training and learning will come to fruition and we will be selected for our new lives." She smiles.

I nod along.

"I mean we have been so blessed to have been chosen and to have been guests here at the palace, with all the new friends we have made and people we have met, it will be a shame to have to leave them behind." She continues and I can't help but think of them.

"I'm sure we will still see each other." I say softly, there would be court events and social gatherings.

"True, but it won't ever be like it is here again. We will never have this time again, these moments of freedom to spend as we choose before we become wives and mothers."

"But wouldn't it be better to just accept our future and start preparing for it now?" I think out loud, not sure why, just needing someone to voice my thoughts to in a way that wouldn't reveal all my secrets.

"I can understand your point of view, but I disagree, right now we are still the chosen, honoured guests of the king, I would rather enjoy the time we have left instead of worrying about the future."

"But what if you spend your time with your friends in the palace now only to have to leave them after the selection, wouldn't it be worse? Having to leave them behind and knowing things will never be the same." I say softly.

"I would still rather enjoy the time I have with them here and now, especially if I know things will never be the same again. It might be difficult and sad when the time to leave comes, but at least you will have the memories of your time together and know you took advantage of the time you had." She smiles over at me and I know I didn't say anything, that she couldn't possibly know what or who I am talking about but for some reason I think she does. Her smile telling me she has known exactly what we have been talking about and she thinks I should enjoy our time together while it lasts.

I mean who else would I be talking about? I don't have any other friends, even she said she noticed I had been spending a lot more time with the other chosen which is true, I had found myself joining them in their afternoon teas if only to get out of my room for a few hours. It didn't stop me from thinking about them and missing them but the change of scenery helped.

And now, here she was giving me advice, just like before, was it the same? Did she know and was trying to tell me I was making the wrong decision?

Only this isn't just about me. Demwyn had told me to stay away from them. And he had been right. He had made sense. I didn't want to be a distraction.

"Daella," Fynley says softly, looking over at me with a soft expression. "Don't stop living now just because you are worried about what will happen in the future. There is plenty of time for you to accept your future and become that person, but for now you have choices and a limited amount of freedom, use it, truly live and enjoy the moments you have."

I blink, somewhat stunned by her words. She turns back to the window, a faint smile on her face as always, the perfect picture of a woman who is happy and content in her current life. Only I knew that wasn't true, it was all just an act. But perhaps she had friends here as well, friends she wouldn't see again or be alone again with. Was she telling me I had made the wrong decision by listening to Demwyn? That instead of pulling away I should embrace the little time we have together.

I turn back to the window, the dark green woods in the distance almost calling me to them. Why did this have to be so difficult and painful? It felt like I was going against my heart by staying away from them, but deep down I knew it was the right thing. They couldn't ever know how I truly felt about them. How my heart is divided in two.

This had to be my burden to bear.

If they knew the truth it could ruin their own relationships and I would never want that.

Again my constant mantra repeats itself in my head, it didn't make the pain go away and it didn't make the weight I carried any lighter but it did stop me from changing my mind and telling them the truth.

It is for the best.

It is for the best.

It is for the best.